Why you negan×reader

Gentle

My eyes fluttered open slowly. My skull throbbed, and my eyes burned slightly. My cheeks were stained with my tears. My limbs felt completely numb. I glanced around at where I was. I identified that I was in Negans room.

Of course, I was. I have no clue why I expected to open my eyes and wake up in my house in Alexandria like this was just all a bad dream. But it isn't, and I'm stuck here in my own personal hell. Constantly tormented by him and my failures to protect whom I love.

I gripped the bed sheets and started to sob. I had just watched my best friend get the shit beat out of him as I stood helpless. I've never felt so completely and utterly helpless before. I attempted to remember when exactly I passed out. I figured it was when they were dragging me along through the halls. Not that it mattered anyway. I was still here. Stuck. My throat burned as I let out a pathetic cry. I curled in on myself as my anxiety seeped out of me like I was an overflowing sponge. I clenched my fists together, wishing nothing more than to be back home. My worry only grew as I thought about Daryl. I just hoped he was still breathing.

My headache grew worse by the second. To which I was almost thankful for. It almost covered up the immense guilt I felt for what happened to Daryl. I sucked in a breath as I heard the door open. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to deal with who I knew was there. He was the very last person I wanted to see.

I heard some rustling about the room, and then suddenly a voice interrupted the silence. "You're not a good actor, darlin," Negan said with a chuckle. I didn't move a muscle. Even if he knew I was awake, it doesn't mean I have to grace him with my voice. That and I didn't quite trust my voice could sound even remotely ok right now. I also had no intention of giving him the pleasure of hearing me in distress "Well since I'm-" Negan undoubtedly snarky remark was cut off by a knock on the door.

I listened closely to Negan and this unknown person's conversation.

"Sir, we're ready to head off to Alexandria." My jaw clenched tightly. "Now that is what I wanna hear! Ya know Simon, this is why you are the man!" Was it already time for them to raid Alexandria? Had I really been here that long? I wondered how they were doing back home. I hoped everyone was in good health. Or as good as they can be in an apocalypse. I clenched my fist tighter as it finally dawned on me that not only were they stealing Alexandrias resources, but that if anything was to not go completely as Negan wanted. Most likely, someone would die. That very thought made me want to puke. I had a strong sense of needing to do something. Anything at all.

Without thinking, I sat up quickly. Almost too quickly as the blood rushed to my head, giving me a dizzy feeling, and my vision blurred just slightly for a couple of seconds. Simon looked at me as I stared at him and Negan. This caused Negan to look back at me. "A beauty isn't she" Negan said, directed towards Simon. I'm surprised Negan didn't have a cocky comment about my undoubtedly puffy red eyes and rough appearance in general. " Yes, sir." Simon looked at me in a predatory way, causing a shiver to run through my body, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable wishing I had just kept pretending to sleep. Within a second, Negan had Simon gripped by the front of his shirt. My eyes widened slightly as I saw Simon's face go from completely confident to he wishes he was dead in a matter of seconds. I couldn't quite hear what Negan said to him, but whatever it was had to have been horrible. Simon's face was completely pale as he muttered a gentle yes, sir.

Negan let go of Simon as quickly as he grabbed him, and then he proceeded to wipe his hand on his shirt, as if Simon was the grossest thing he'd ever touched. I hate to admit it, but that tiny action caused me to giggle slightly. I watched in horror as a big smirk grew on Negans face. His ego quite clearly grew at my small action.

"Clothes are on the bed, darlin. Get ready quick, we're going to pay our friend Rick a visit. " he said in a sing-song way as he strolled out of the room, dragging Simon along with him.

A sick feeling grew in my stomach. I clenched my fists tightly. I had just hoped that nothing horrible would happen today. I attempted to shake off all the anxiousness. At least I'll get to see how everyone is doing. I attempted to convince myself that if I was there, nothing bad would happen even if deep down I knew that my being there won't stop Negan. Nothing will. I slowly lifted myself from the bed and spotted clothes laying at the end of it. A simple t-shirt and jeans. I don't know why I expected something grander, but I was just glad to get out of these clothes I'd been wearing for a week now. I was used to wearing dirty clothes, but being in this environment made me feel more gross than usual. I got dressed slowly. I tried to calm my shaky hands and breathe. If I get through today, everything will be ok. If I just got through today, every other day would be easier.

I brushed my fingers through my hair, quickly attempting to detangle it just slightly. I walked up to the door and hesitated before I gripped the handle. The thoughts of what happened to Daryl quickly filled my mind, causing tears to prick my eyes. I rubbed at my face, attempting to clear my thoughts. I took a couple of deep breaths in and out and pulled open the door.

To my unpleasant surprise, Negan was leaning on the wall just by the door. He whistled and pushed himself off of the wall "Well look at you, darlin. Looking yummy enough to eat. " I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, looking away from him. I hated this man with my whole heart. "You hurt me" Negan said in a mockingly hurt voice.

I started walking, not wanting to be anywhere in his presence anymore. "Well then, lead the way" he said. It was an almost silent walk till we met a crossroads of turns. I expected him to just tell me which direction to go or just take the spot of leading while saying a cocky-ass comment. I stood still for about 20 seconds in complete silence. With each second that passed, I grew more anxious. I heard a gentle sigh behind me.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my back, leading me to the right. I shivered at the sudden touch and was extremely glad when his hand was removed. This then continued at every turn. he would guide me with his hand and then remove it.

His touch confused me. I never took Negan as a gentle lead-someone-through-halls type. I have no clue why this small action had confused me so much. He was still Negan, the person who murdered my friends in front of me. His guiding me gently through the halls doesn't change that, but you'd never think the hands of someone like him could be so warm. Every time his hand touched my back, the warmth would seep off of it and ease my anxiety just slightly.

I got completely lost in thought. So much so that I didn't even realize when we arrived outside by a bunch of trucks and loading cars. I was only dragged from my own head when I heard Negan start ordering people around. Yelling at whoever didn't do exactly as he wanted. I took a breath of relief as I realized he was a harsh and hateful person still. Pushing that gentle Negan to the back of my mind and just playing it off as a fluke. Or just me attempting to find good in people. He wasn't a good person, I knew this. I shook my head slightly at my stupidity.

Someone gripped my wrist harshly, causing me to jump at the sudden touch. I was quickly pushed into one of the loading cars. The doors were slammed shut on me, and I finally had a second to breathe by myself. In any normal circumstance, I would be upset for having been manhandled like that, but I'm glad to get some alone time. I pulled myself to the side of the car, laying my head on the wall. I pulled my legs up to my chest and let out a deep sigh.

Don't get me wrong, I was thankful to be able to see home again, but the fact that I knew I wouldn't be staying caused my heart to ache. I scratched at my wrist, trying to keep myself from crying again. Daryl-

I was quickly jerked from my thoughts as the car jolted forward. I quickly went to brace myself. I looked to the front seats and saw two women I didn't recognize. When did they even get in the car? Was I that lost in thought?

I leaned back into the wall. The way the car bumped slightly comforted me. My thoughts were filled with nothing but worry. No matter what else I tried to focus on, I couldn't help but let images of what happened to Glenn Abraham and Daryl flood my head.

This is gonna be a long drive.