Snow Place Like Home

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jason

His heart fluttered at her words. He wanted that, too.

"And after Christmas? What then?"

"I go back. What other choice do I have?"

She already knew the answer to that. Why was she making this so difficult? She let him make love to her but didn't want him to kiss her in public. She acted like she wanted to be with him, but she repeatedly made it clear she didn't want to be here.

"Jason, I know you're upset, and I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I didn't mean to. I didn't ask Braydon to come here."

"But you did kiss him. We just slept together last night. Hours after I leave your bed, your ex shows up to whisk you away, and you let him kiss you. It's pretty clear what we did, what we had, meant nothing."

Jason wished he could be one of those men who wasn't affected by things like that, who didn't get caught up in their emotions, but he wasn't. What they shared last night, even if she couldn't admit it, was more than sex. Their spirits danced that night, and they would forever be woven together as one.

To her, he was just a story to tell. A vacation fling. Not someone she wanted to date. Not someone she wanted to spend her life with. Not someone she would move to Alaska for. He was kidding himself if he thought that was even a possibility.

"That's not true. I enjoyed last night. It was nice."

"Well, we aim to please. So glad you had a pleasant stay in Blackstone."

"Don't be upset. What do you want me to say? It was... nice."

"Got it. Mediocre sex. No strings attached. No wonder you're going back to Arizona."

"God, you are so infuriating! The sex was not mediocre, and you know it. You don't need me to tell you how good it was."

"Good? You came on my face five times last night! Not to mention how loud you were screaming my name when I was inside you."

Her cheeks brightened in a reddish hue at his words. He leaned in closer so that his face and her breath quickened. It stirred a cocky pride in him, seeing how his presence caused a visceral reaction in her. He wanted to kiss her, take her to his room, and punish her for what she did, but he stopped himself.

"You wanna know why I'm single? So, I don't have to deal with this."

"Jason..." She reached out to touch his face, but he moved away from her.

"I was engaged seven years ago. We were together since high school. I thought she was my soulmate, but she left me at the altar. I haven't been with anyone since. Not until you."

Her jaw dropped at his confession, and he didn't appreciate the pity in her eyes.

"I had no idea," she said softly.

"It's not worth advertising."

"Have you talked to her since?"

He was surprised by her question. "Why would I?"

"Well, it was seven years ago, but you still seem torn up about it. I was wondering if you had gotten any closure."

Closure? What did he need closure for?

Alicia was never coming back.

End of discussion.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Jason. No one deserves that."

"I don't want your sympathy. I choose to be single. I don't date. I don't have sex. It's easier that way. Feelings don't get involved."

"You can't close yourself off from the world because you're afraid of getting hurt."

He almost laughed at that. "You're one to talk. Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Have you ever been in love and had someone love you?"

"Once," she explained. "In high school. But I was too young and naïve then. Besides, I'm not looking for any of that right now. But you are. You're that guy."

Her words hit him hard. His efforts to earn her love were futile. A complete waste of time.

"You don't know what kinda guy I am."

"Maybe. But you sure seemed pretty clingy this morning after we spent the night together. Like someone who equates sex with love."

Clingy.

That word pissed him off. She thought he was some pathetic sap of a man who fell in love because they had sex. What she didn't understand was his feelings ran deep and started long before they got together physically.

"I don't do casual sex, Shonna. We made love last night."

She scoffed. "Oh, come on, Jason."

"Are you saying last night meant nothing to you? How can you share yourself with someone like that, and it not mean a damn thing? Are you really that callous?"

Her eyes misted up at his words, and for a moment, he thought he might be wrong about her, but any sign of hurt on her face was quickly replaced with an icy stare.

"It's not callous to be confident in who you are and know exactly what you want. I made it clear to you from the beginning I had no intentions of staying here. You knew whatever we had would be temporary, so don't blame me because you tried to make it more than what it was."

He grabbed her hand and put it to his chest.

"There's something here between us. I know you feel it too. You're not as great an actor as you think you are. If you let yourself go and gave us a chance, maybe—."

"I'm leaving Jason. What's the point in seeing where this goes? To risk catching feelings only to walk away in a week?"

The sleigh came to a stop, and they were back where they'd started.

"See, the thing is, I've already caught feelings, Shonna. I'm in love with you."

He knew it was a mistake to tell her, especially after seeing the way she froze at his words. But he no longer cared if she found him sappy or ridiculous. She was walking out of his life, regardless. So, he kissed her for what he knew would be the last time. He wanted to claim her, show her she was his, and kiss her until she never wanted to kiss another man again.

But he knew better.

This wasn't the beginning of something.

It was the end.

She didn't want love. At least not his. Maybe not anyone's.

Her life was in Arizona, and his was here in Alaska. She preferred to stay closed off, in control. He got it. It was easier. He chose the same path for a while after Alicia left him, and he shut himself from the world, but now that his heart was open again, he refused to ignore his feelings. But he couldn't make her feel what he did. He'd overestimated their connection. It had all been in his head. YoYo was wrong. He and Shonna didn't belong together.

He ended the kiss and stepped off the sleigh before helping her down.

"Perhaps you should be home for Christmas. I'm sure your family misses you." He brushed the hair from her face and gazed into those beautiful brown eyes one more time. "Take care of yourself, sweetheart."