Pros and cons. I wrote down on a bit of paper. Since Mapi had kissed me I couldn't stop thinking about her, but I also couldn't stop thinking about jill. I new I couldn't lead either of them on but I had no idea what I was feeling.
I wrote in the pros list. Makes me happy. Interesting. In the same team.
I hesitated before beginning the cons
Only known a month. has an ex in the team. Had more girlfriends than goals.
I then began jill's list.
Pros. Known for a while. I like her. Is very happy
Cons. In a different country.
Despite only having one con. Jill seemed to have the most against her. I knew that i was being blunt but I had to figure out how I felt.
"Do you want to get dinner later?" Mapi asked as we left training
"Yeah sure" i couldn't ignore the excitement and butterflies that came with the question
"Great, I'll pick you up"
This was my opportunity to figure out if Mapi was the right one. I arrived home and got dressed up ready for dinner
"I'm glad you said yes" Mapi reached for my hand across the table
"I am too"
"I was worried you wouldn't"
"Why?" I frowned knowing this wasn't her usual confidence
"You make me nervous honestly" she smiled sheepishly "it's a strange feeling" she took a sip of her drink
"What makes me different to everyone else you've been with" I asked deciding to get straight to the point
"Woah, I didn't expect that" Mapi laughed "exactly that. Your direct and no fuss. I like that a lot"
"Most people hate it"
"I'm not most people" she smirked
"I had a great night Ingrid, thank you" Mapi walked me to my door
"Me too, I enjoy spending time with you"
"Can I kiss you again?"
My heart fluttered while my head filled with confusion and conflict. Whatever I chose here was me deciding. My hesitation had clearly thrown Mapi off though
"Ah, I'm sorry I didn't mean to push you, I" she turned to walk away but I grabbed her wrist spinning her round. Her face was now inches away and her breath tickled my lips
"Yes" I breathed and kissed her gently, cupping her cheek. The kiss lasted longer than the first and left us both breathless
"Thanks for an amazing night Mapi" i smiled and opened my door, going inside.
I couldn't keep the cheesy grin off my face as I put my things away and got ready for bed.
My phone went off twice, waking me up. I squinted at the screen reading both texts.
Mapi
Thanks for last night princesa. Can't wait to see you
Jill
We haven't spoken for a while. Call me when you can?
Shit. I groaned. I desperately needed to speak to jill but I wasn't looking forward to it. I knew it was a difficult conversation.
I quickly made breakfast before FaceTiming jill knowing this was the closest to face to face we could get.
"Good morning" jill smiled softly as her face popped up on the screen
"Morning" i replied "how are you?"
"I'm good as always, how are you?"
"I'm alright. Sorry for being distant recently" I apologised. The first of many to come.
"Don't worry, I understand your busy" there wasn't a hint of anger or upset in her voice
"Look, I've been thinking a lot recently and I can't do the distance jill. I'm so sorry" I looked away, unable to make eye contact
"I understand" her voice sank slightly
"There's something else I should tell you" I looked back at her
"Yeah?"
"I've sort of met someone. It's not official or anything but I just thought you deserved to know" I began playing with my rings anxiously
"I get it, seriously. Don't be sorry for following your heart Ingrid" jill sympathised
"I'm so sorry" I kept apologising
"Don't worry. I'm happy for you. I also know that one day we'll get our chance"
My head tilted at her words. They were so pure. So honest. I felt horrible knowing she felt like that. I couldn't let her wait around for me.
"Jill promise me one thing" I spoke "if you find someone. Chase it, you deserve so much and I don't want you to wait for me"
"I promise. Til next time Ingrid. I miss you forever"
A tear slipped down my cheek knowing I wouldn't have her. Knowing that if only I had gone to Chelsea. If only....
I couldn't keep thinking like that though. I had to think about Mapi. But nothing could ever make me forget jill.
