The World Stopped Moving {MarkRen} | complete

vingt-deux

Renjun is nineteen and a quarter when the world grinds to a halt.

The sun blinds him each morning, his dormmates' whispers deafen him, and the thought of food alone is too bitter to swallow.

"I'm not going to break," Renjun mutters one morning over breakfast. He's pushing soggy cornflakes around a bowl and simply watching them drown, wishing it were him. "Stop tiptoeing around me."

Donghyuck turns to him. Renjun doesn't look up, afraid that the fear in his eyes will give away his own uncertainty. He doesn't even believe that statement himself. It sure feels likes he's milliseconds from shattering. Even if he did shatter, would he feel it? Would he even realise?

Would he even care?

He goes shopping with Chenle at the weekend. It's never been a favourite pastime of his, but he lets himself be dragged around every single shop and gives into a giant hot chocolate at an overpriced café. The sweetness tingles across his tongue but it's not a bad sensation, just comforting in a way that makes his eyes sting and his heart feel a tiny glimpse of something.

He observes the crowds. Smiles, intertwined hands, happiness. Renjun lifts a finger, wanting to reach out and touch the scene, but they're in a different world. He's in a different world; a paralysing storm of rage, disappointment and fear. Emotions trap him and drown out Chenle's chatter that he knows is supposed to serve as a sweet distraction, but he's worried he'll look at his friend to see him leaving, too.

It's been three days since Mark was rushed to hospital. Three days since Renjun has spoken more than a few threaded words, since he felt anything towards anything. He's alone in a dark world. Unlike the bustling colours and excitement of the shops, his world doesn't move. Nothing shifts in the darkness. There's no light, only the struggling stutter of his heart and the cavern of his thoughts.

Now Renjun knows what it means to be someone's soulmate. Mark never leaves his mind. Mark will never leave his heart. Being so suddenly wrenched apart has scarred him with a horrid burn, and it stings to no end. Pure agony. There's no other word to describe the pain.

Dropping another marshmallow into his drink, Renjun clears his throat. When he goes to speak, Chenle is already poised, waiting and ready to listen. It makes the elder falter, eyes lowering, until he just shakes his head and opens his mouth anyway. "Do you think... do you think Mark will ever be able to love me back?"

Chenle folds the paper case of his chocolate muffin. "What makes you think Mark doesn't love you already?"

Renjun winces, then shrugs. Chenle stares hard, lips turned into a faint smile that Renjun can't bring himself to read, but he knows he asked a stupid question. He's dizzy from thinking too hard, and so tired from the hours of tossing and turning in bed, his pillow a stranger where Mark was familiar and warm.

"I meant..." Renjun trails off. He doesn't know what he meant. "I'm just scared." The chatter in the café has Chenle leaning forward to hear the whisper. "He's alive, but..." Renjun stops to glance at Chenle to confirm that his statement is still true, that he isn't just fantasising that is soulmate is alive. "Mark is alive and I'm still being so selfish."

The realisation aches in his chest.

"I know Mark loves me back, but my heart just wants things to settle. It's so, so painful," Renjun says. His fingers curl into his jumper at the reminder of the ache that never leaves. "Sometimes I still wish soulmates weren't a thing."

"Really?" Chenle wastes no time, and the older furrows his eyebrows. The younger's smile grows to a grin. Renjun shifts in his seat, then cups his mug just to leach off its warmth without any intention to drink. "I remember you thinking that when you first met Mark and your dust changed."