life

ch 1 - 6 days

Another day of school. At least it was Friday already. I wake up and plan out what I should wear today. "Hmm, maybe a white collar shirt and a zip-up jacket. I'll wear it with dark bleached pants too!" I think to myself. I hop in my shower for about 10 minutes. I dry my hair a little bit, put my clothes on, and blow dry my hair. 

Nothing seemed off today. It just seemed normal. But before I woke up, I woke up after a series of random dreams. There was one that stood out to me. It was him and me, lying down on a field, stargazing. I didn't think I had romantic feelings for him. But why am I having dreams of him with me? I shrug it off and feel that it is because he has a vital role in my life.

I pack the things I need for school and go down into my dad's car. He starts by asking what day it is in school today and if he should pick me up from school, you know, small talk. By the time I get to school, he ends the conversation and we say bye to each other. 

I walk to where we're supposed to go inside and see my friends. I greet them good morning, but as I did that, I get told to kill myself from.. a person. What a nice thing to say at 7:45 in the morning, huh? It doesn't bother me as he's been telling me that for a while now. I search where... hm. Let's call him, KC. Alright. As I tried to search for him, I see him joking around with his friends as usual. Now more people start coming. More, and more, and more. By the time it was crowded, we finally went inside. I walk with.. hmm, let's call him CG. Yeah! I walk with CG and talk about his beloved, DA. It fascinates me and makes me happy when I see people in love. I was once, well more than once but, I was in love so I know how they feel.

After getting my things from my locker, I greet my teacher and finally, KC. We chat and talk about what we usually talk about, (which is school tea) while taking out our work. After we do the national anthem and announcements, we talk a little bit more before our teacher teaches us. Again, nothing is off. After we were done with classwork, we had time to chat. And of course, I chatted with KC and SW. KC was about to slap my hand but I held his hand in time I just looked at him whilst he looked shocked and a bit flustered. I giggled and stopped holding his hand. SW asked what we were doing and KC said that we were together jokingly. I snorted and grabbed my things for the next class.

After all of that, it was science class. Where everything went downhill. The teacher told us that we can work in partners! But before KC asked, SW asked me first. She snatches my paper and asks me if that's spelt as potatoes or potaus. I laughed but KC seemed off. He seemed sad. When we had time to talk, and SW had gone to the bathroom, me and him got into an argument. He tells me how I'm with her all the time and not him. It wasn't true at all! It had been a while ever since me and SW had been partners. He wrote a note that we weren't going to be best friends anymore and I wrote back, "im sorryyy :(". But all he did was crumple it up and turn it into a ball. I grab my things and wait by the door, but he just stays in his seat. AB tells me KC was crying and he asks me what I did to him. I didn't know but SW told me that he might've been jealous.

After that, we had lunch. I don't really know what happened here. I was focusing on my thoughts and only on my thoughts. Then we had recess. There I kind of know what happened. We tried getting my friends together though.

Language Arts then came. It was a reading period. I was mostly focused on my book, but some of the time, I thought about KC. I wanted to cry and let it all out. But no, I had to keep it in. When we were updating our reading logs, SW knew there was something wrong. I told her there was nothing wrong, but I did want to talk about it. She asked if I was okay, I wrote back "sure i guess". She asked if it was about KC, and I replied with "i have a lot of things on my mind rn, but one of them might be him". She understood and partnered up with me for french class. 

After french class, I caught my last glimpse of KC but looked away quickly. The rest of the day went by quickly. But, I didn't really listen to any of the teachers in the classes. I went home and ate a bagel. Afterwards, I started thinking of KC and what I may have done to him. I start sobbing and get thoughts of me losing him. I don't want to lose him. I want him back. Then I tried to calm myself down with music, but I couldn't. So I went to sleep really early.

I wake up at two in the morning, uncontrollably sobbing. Why is he such an important part of my life? Then, I did what I do when nothing helps anymore. I go in my bathroom, roll my sleeves up, and get my sharpener blade.

Even after that, I did not feel any better. In fact, that didn't even distract me from the thought of him.