How it feels-----LIVING DEAD

Bloody sunday

'You forget things very quickly' - people often say this to me, and I really believed in them. But what I am wanting to forget from a year, doesn't want to leave me alone.

It's a date , a frightful date named '2nd of June' . Whenever I hear this name ,it seems a giant black snake , deadly poisoned ,is hissing over me and reminding me that day, that BLOODY SUNDAY. It's a sound when reached my mind through the pity vibrations over my ear , seated upon the sensation nerves , gives me a deadly ache .My whole body seems paralysed , I am shaken with no any external power involved in the process,and so does the whole world around me . It feels to me like an earthquake . And I don't really wanna talk about such a frightful day.

But you know I would have to , so that the world can know how it feels -being dead.And how it feels when someone loved is going dead after your eyes, and you can do nothing , not even cry because you are not able to gather energy to do so .You feel dead when a loved one goes dead.

That name reminds me a red ,extremely hot ball , red hot flames directed backward on it due to the heavy winds caused due to speed, a speed greater than that of a bullet, coming towards me to hit me on the centre of my right cheek and neck . And then my eyes are closed and my heart stops beating , and I am gone away from this world, for a moment .

For a moment I can feel how it feels being dead, for a moment I can live the death . For a moment I am in the world of his.

For a moment I'm DEAD.

And after death, there's always an rebirth , and hence I am here again in the dressing room of 'firoz shah kotla' stadium addressing all my teammates the importance of that day, importance of that practice session of Sunday.

I remember it was a noisy morning .

The sky was white , full of cauliflower shaped clouds , floating with bluish back ground.

Loud thundering could be heard at regular intervals. There was much moisture on the ground making the ball run faster on hard batting pitch of my favourite cricket stadium.

Being the pitch more comfortable for fast bowlers , I told Ganesh to sweat. He first bowled to the middle order batsman and tried making non recognisable changes in his bowling genre, and was able to trouble them much , as he always did. I instructed him to concentrate on gathering wickets rather than trying stop the flow of runs. It's better trying lessen the run rate of the opponent team at death overs , because death overs are for batsman, they are relaxed, they are not afraid of the end of their batting period, as old men are not afraid of death, we celebrate innings end of extremely old people, and give treats on their death, as they are supposed to be better in the world of dead then in the world of weakness and illness.

Bowlers are dead at death overs , and hence those are named so.

In death overs bowlers are dead , are stressed, every delivery is full of fear , of being hit as six.

Taking wicket of the batsman then don't feel that good, so are required to vary their styles of bowling and stop runs. Dead are never happy to see anyone going dead , they just want to slow down the living rate.

I used to be alive always , as I was believed one of the best finishers of India . So, I was a death over batsman . I enjoyed making the deadly person dead. I enjoyed making those fearful faces more afraid, do that I could get a finer ball as the next one . I loved playing those overs. But now I hate crushing the ball under my bat.

When he sweated much bowling to the middlemen . I teased him " ye giraffe , much jumped over those little creatures , now try your strength over the lion ". In return he spoke nothing . He went to his run up line , sprinted , his heavy breaths could be heard by every player around the pitch, which hinted me that it was a bouncer at my head. I let my head go down and my bat go up . The ball coming faster than 140 km/ hr touched the upper part of my bat and went out of the boundary line behind me, without touching the ground even once.and I could see his face diss appointed of his breathing.

But suddenly I felt a hard round thing hitting my front leg shoe with so much energy as it was a York from Ganesh .

Oh, it really was , the sixer on a bouncer 6 ft high, and his dissapointed face was all an illusion .

What actually happened was a scene I never expected. All the players of jharkhand cricket team , even those out of the selected fifteen , we're laughing on their skipper, as I bent my head down and put my bat over my helmet and expected a sixer on a York .

This was really a matter of crackles. I did laugh too.

He had tricked me . All that heavy breathing was a part of his new bowling style . That was the reason he did not return a single word when I teased him.

That was the plan that shut his mouth.

I was really happy with his performance . I feel myself proud to play with such a bowler at my side.

I was happy ,i really was impressed, with his new extraordinary style change . Whenever I recall that incident ,my face gets a thin but wide smile, but this smile disappears much sooner ,than it appears. */The same lips that produced the smile creates an expression of great sadness, eyes which had got a special shine, this time get salty waters in them.I become a sad statue as sudden as if i have got a sharp electric current. /* This is all because of that sudden day. That day was full of sudden incidents and accidents .

The weather was cloudy and had moisture , whereas there was expectation for a delighted sunny day by the weather reporters. We had got outstanding performance by Ganesh while his leg injury had forced me to expect a little low by him.I had practiced much at night to get over my weakness(of playing the ball at my chest straight to the bowler rather than directing it towards the square leg boundary), but i did the same mistakes. But the most sudden incident was that accident for which i would never forgive myself.