It's Not Just a Memory

Chapter 6 What's The Rush

As I stand there in shock with everyone's eyes on me. Watching my every move. I try and try and try and try and try to say something. Yet my throat isn't allowing it. It feels like my throat is welded shut. All I can do is stare at an atrocity of devastating prepositions. Fuck! Why can I move? I can't even feel a thing let alone move. Time seems to slow down to a point where minutes feel like milliseconds. I think I'm crying. I wouldn't know since I can't feel anything. A paramedic slowly approaches me.

"Sir, are you okay?" His gentle voice softly echoes in my head. I instinctively try to respond. My lips form the words but no air comes out giving them life. The paramedic is putting pieces together in his head before choosing his next words. "Is there someone-". He cut himself off, noticing my head turn as they were loading my mom up in an ambulance. "Do you know her?" Sincerity in his voice. The only movement I can manage is a nod. He nods back to me "Okay, follow me son". He firmly places a hand on my back and another in front of my stomach guiding me to the ambulance my mom is in.

"Hey, this is someone who knows her. He is currently in shock. I want you to take him with you". The paramedic he is talking to looks confused and concerned.
"Are you sure?" They protest to no avail.
"Yes, I'm sure, unless you want to keep him here and have his eyes look at this depressing accident?" She nods and helps me into the ambulance. She sits me down on the opposite side of her. She reaches over and grabs a wipe and drags it across my face. Giving me clarification that I am indeed crying.

"Do you have a name?"
"I'm Michi Oterasu". I respond to her question finally, able to speak once again.
"And how do you know this woman, Michi?"
"She is my mother". I say slightly void of emotions. "Is she going to be okay?" The paramedic glances at her then back to me.
"She got lucky, the arrow missed her lungs and heart". Looking at my mom I notice the arrow is more towards her stomach. Relief passes through my body, relaxing my muscles slightly.
*

We arrive at the hospital that I just left. The back doors swing open. They lift the stretcher my mom is on and rush her to the emergency room. One of the paramedics directs me to a nurse before chasing after the other paramedics. The nurse takes me to a room, and sits me down.
"I will go get your doctor". The nurse sounds as if I'm top priority and can't take care of me like I'm dying and needs a doctor. Before the nurse can even leave the room the bursts and flies open. Eve is standing there, her professional face is gone. Replaced with no other emotion than fear.

She comes racing toward me. Grabbing my face and tilling it every single angle and direction possible.
"Are you okay? I saw your mom and asked if you were with her!" Anger, worry, and happiness litters her voice at me.
"Yeah, I just saw something that I can't unsee". Her face starts to glow with glee as she hears I'm okay.
"Thank the lord you're okay". I notice tears running down her face. She starts to weep on the spot. Fully letting her tears fly. The nurse looks at me confused. I guess she was one of those doctors that don't show emotions like this. Given her job comes with seeing death on a daily basis it makes sense.

"Doctor, I was told this boy was in shock at the scene of the accident". Eve turns to the nurse and then whips back to me. She sits there for a second regaining her composure. Then she turns back to the nurse.
"Thank you, I'm clocking out for the day. I've already been here since midnight". The nurse nods his head not wanting to object to Eve's wishes.
"What about the kid?" Eve wastes no time and replies in moments.
"His mom is a dear friend of mine. I'll take him home".

The nurse leaves the room and goes to help another squad of paramedics running past. Now that we are alone Eve turns back to me and slaps me. "What the hell were you thinking!" Furious rage flows in her eyes. "I get back down stairs from your appointment to find out you were bolting down the halls and out the door. Do you have any explanation for your actions?" I feel a deep pit spawn in the bowls of my stomach. Suddenly feeling ashamed of my actions.
Despair takes control as I speak to Eve.
"I just... I just had a feeling. It felt like something bad happened to Mom. So, I followed it and saw that accident". She calms back down before asking me a follow up question
"Are you feeling okay?" I want to scream of course not. I just shake my head not wanting to talk. "Alright let's get you home then okay. I nod and follow her out the door. We reach the parking lot and hop in her truck and head home.
*

"We're here". She pauses trying to find something to say to cheer me up. I get it, I'm like a son to her. She was practically my second parent after my dad passed away. I get out of her car and head to the house. "Michi!" I stop dead in my tracks listening for her next words. "I'll let you know when she gets out of surgery and is able to see visitors". Hearing that from her I can form a smile to shine a little light on such a rainy day.

I step inside and slam the door before kicking off my shoes. I look around the living room at the photos. It baffles me, I have seen the house dark and empty before. But this time feels very different to the last thousand times I've seen it like this. This new found level of emptiness is opened to me. The fiery warmth of the house seeps out. Being evicted out of the house by the sharp icy cold winds. I never realized how much life Mom gave the house, I miss it.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice the photo album Mom showed me the other day on the coffee table. I pick up the album and fall back onto the seat of the couch. I start flipping through the pages trying to see if I can reignite any more memories of Haruko. Or at least that's how I justify it to myself. I know deep down I was looking through it to distract me from today's events. Can anyone blame me for wanting to distract myself? I continue to flip past page after page of photos.
As I flip the next page I get a roaring sensation of fondness and joy. I see a photo of me passed out underneath a tree. I notice small white lines outlining the photo with a slightly large white rectangle at the bottom of the photo. I wonder who still uses polaroid pictures anymore. As I'm going on with my mental tangent asking who in their right mind would use an inferior camera I look at the white rectangular strip at the bottom of the photo. It says "Best picnic ever". I feel the fuzzy feelings people get when they remember something fondly. For some reason though I can't remember this happening.
*
As the subtle gleam of headlights runs across the walls I close the photo album feeling significantly better than I did earlier. I think about what Mom said, "These aren't your dreams sweetie. They are your memories". It gets me thinking about those quote on quote memories. Once I remember that giant tree the floodgates burst open. That giant tree from my dream was the same day as the Polaroid picture of that picnic I saw in the album. Yeah, I can remember now.

Mom and I were invited to that picnic by Haruko's mom. She invited us as thanks to me for standing up for her daughter Haruko. With this new sensation of clarity and happiness comes to me I can feel something negative form in the bottom of my soul. I recognize the feeling immediately. It was sarow. It was there for a multitude of reasons. For me missing her, for me forgetting about her along with much more. I check the time on my phone. It read eleven at night.
"Damn, it's that late!" I am completely shocked that I am still awake.

A tsunami size wave of fatigue washes over me. I slowly make my way up the staircase. Dragging my body down the hall like a lifeless corpse. I enter my room with less and less energy. "Yawn!" The last of my energy fades from me after letting out that yawn. I fall face first into my bed. Just like that I am out like a light.