Formula One - One Shots

𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 ~~ not every story deserves a happy ending, but ours does

cw: referenced homophobia & mental struggles tied to it.

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Carlos can't say his upbringing had been out of the ordinary. Yes, he had a World Rally Championship-winning dad, he got accustomed to fame pretty quick, and he learned English pretty early on, but that doesn't mean his education changed. He still went to school, catholic school, and Sunday school, following what millions of Spanish pupils followed, and still follow. He still passed high school and set off in the world. Pretty normal for the majority of the kids born in rich countries.

Yet, when he first sees Lando, he knows something is wrong with him. As a man, you don't simply see another man and think "I wanna kiss him, cuddle him, fuck him, and call him love for the rest of my life", no. You are supposed to have those thoughts towards women and women only. You cannot have them for a pretty British boy, with a smile who brightens your world and warms your heart.

Before you go on about how he is simply ignorant, Carlos isn't. He isn't ignorant. He knows gay people exist, he's not a boomer, thank you very much. He also knows bisexual people exist, he's a millennial for Christ's sake! Yet, while those concepts do wander in his brain, he cannot seem to be able to make them apply to himself. He's not gay, bi, or something else. Other people are, not him! Carlos is a perfectly straight man, who dates pretty and hot girlfriends, and makes sweetly love to them, absolutely not thinking about a man while doing it.

No. He loves women too much to be gay. He had too few times those disturbing thoughts towards men to be bi. He is simply normal, a boring heterosexual male.

But then, why does he get so anxious and pissed off when someone doubts his sexuality? Why is he mad when someone asks him what genders he likes. Why can't he bring himself to watch a cute gay love story his very own girlfriend recommended? Carlos doesn't want to think about that, too dangerous territory.

"Sometimes I don't understand you," Isa says, as he declines for the umpteenth time watching Love, Simon. "You act so touchily freely with Lando, giving him heart eyes, but you won't watch this?"

Carlos doesn't say a word, keeping looking down. He has nothing to say, mainly because he doesn't know what to say. It's not like someone could ever understand what's going on in his head. It's not like someone could understand why parts of himself are fighting each other to death. It's not like his story is normal, he IS normal!

Isa mumbled something he doesn't quite catch, and Carlos chooses not to reply. Why would he? He leaves her sulking in the living room, as he goes somewhere else, somewhere people won't go about and ask difficult questions.

Yet, it seems he can't escape them forever.

It's summer break, and he invited Lando on a weekend echapée at the beach. He doesn't know why he did it, he just feels this deep yearning for Lando every time they are apart for too long. Carlos puts it on the account of the deep friendship they have. It's one of the most intense, pure, and sweet he's ever been in.

And he is sure it's only friendship feelings between them, even tho he carefully chooses to not think about how his heart skips a beat every time Lando smiles at him, or how the Brit is the last thing he thinks about before sleeping, and the first when he wakes up.

They are lounging on the beach, lazily tanning under the hot Spanish sun. Lando seems to be reading, and Carlos is sleeping. He dreams of nothing, just letting himself be carried to another realm by the soothing sounds of the ocean, the gentle breeze in the air- wait, was that water?

Carlos feels a sudden coldness on his back, which brings him back to reality. He opens his eyes, to see Lando laughing his ass off, a little empty plastic bucket in his hands.