What If ?

Chapter 1

When Tim woke up he was relieved. He would never admit it but he was terrified going into this emergency surgery. The first thing he noticed was Ashley sitting to the right of him. "The Doctor said they got the bullet fragment there is nothing to worry about." He nodded relived that he steal feels pain in his back and relieved its no longer radiating down his legs. " I never thought I'd be so happy to feel pain in my life." He said with a grin trying to make light of the dim situation. She just gave him a sad smile in return. " Ash, you okay." He asked now concerned and confused as to what could have her upset. "No... there is something I have to tell you." She answered nervously "Ash,Wha..." Tim began to ask but was cut off by Ashley continuing. " I spent my whole life worrying about my Dad, if he was late getting home, Mom would pretend everything was fine but I could see she was terrified. When I saw you being wheeled into surgery I realized I can't live like that again." She said sadly " Are you breaking up with me?" Tim asked in shock. " I'm sorry" " I just got out of surgery. "I know I thought I'd get it in before the anesthesia wore off.... I still love you I'll probably be in love with you for longer than I'd like." They looked at each other for a moment "And if there was any chance that you would retire." Tim just shook his head. " I know.... I should go can I get you something." " no" Ashley smiled and stood patting Tim on the leg in a comforting gesture as she strolled out of the room. Tim was in shock he blames that for why it took so long for him to notice that he saw Ashley pat his leg but he never felt it. His blood ran cold. And he worriedly hit his nurse call button. He waited for few moments on the nurse praying that this was all a trick his mind was playing on him. He tried to move one leg or the other or maybe just his toes but nothing absolutely nothing. He had tears in his eyes of fear before to long. The nurse finally walked in and turned off the call button alarm." How can I help you Sargent Bradford." She said with a sweet smile quickly becoming a look of concern after noticing his distress. " I can't feel my legs." He said barley audible. " I'll go page your doctor." She said before running to do so. Tim lied their fear spinning around in his head for what felt like hours but was probably only moments. " Sargent Bradford what seems to be the problem." He said with a look that was probably meant to disarm and calm down patients but right now it just made him want to scream. " I can't feel my legs. At all. I tried to move them and I couldn't even move my toes." The doctor got serious fast. " okay let's not panic just yet there is a chance that this paralysis is caused by inflammation from your surgery and could go away but let's run some tests just to make sure." And that's exactly what they did.every test from X-Rays to CAT Scans to Myelograms and EMG tests and know he was just waiting for the results. He had a sickening feeling that he knew what the results would be but he tried not to worry till he knew for sure.

Running a station and being a "Sargent" was exhausting although she would never tell Tim that. At some point she must have fallen asleep because before she knew it she was startled awake by a phone ring and she was already answering Grey's office phone with "End of Shift is denied till further notice." Before she realized it was her phone ringing and it was Grey calling but he had already stepped into the office. " Hey I was just calling how did it go." She gave a sigh. " yeah I am totally ready to give you your job back sir." He chuckled before she asked "Hey how did Tim's Laparoscopic go?" Grey suddenly got serious. " About that... Tim ended up needing emergency spinal surgery." And just like that her heart fell into her stomach. " Go on Chen get outta here. You did great work today." "Thank you sir." She said before slipping out of his office and changing faster than she has in her life.

She made quick work of her trip to the hospital and briskly walked the halls till she got to his room and she stopped for a moment just looking at him before she walked into his room and up to his bed. He saw her and smiled although she could tell it didn't reach his eyes. "what happened are you okay why didn't anybody tell me." She rattled off in quick succession. " they are running some tests and I told everyone to keep you in the dark I didn't want you to worry." She was about to make a joke about how after having major spinal surgery he was worried about her but then she fully processed the first part of his sentence. " Tests what kind of tests. what's going on are you okay?" She asked concern raising in her chest. " I'm sure I'm fine it's probably just inflammation from the surgery but I'm sure it will resolve it self." Now she was officially worried " what Will resolve itself Tim What's happening." He let out a long sigh and looked in the eyes " I haven been able to feel my legs since I woke up. They ran some tests to see if it is permanent or just a temporary thing from the surgery the doctor should be back soon." He said looking back up to the ceiling. " Oh my God Tim I'm so sorry." She said he didn't respond just stared straight up at the ceiling. " Where is Ashley why isn't she here with you." Lucy asked wondering why his girlfriend left him alone to wait for this kind of news. " we broke up. It was before I realized something was wrong." He said not looking at her. She just nodded and sat down in the hospital chair to his right. " what are you doing." Tim asked finally looking at her brows furrowed in confusion. " Keeping you company I am not going to leave you by your self. Not right now... do you need anything food,water anything." She said taking his hand in hers and holding it firmly. He shook his head and looked her deep in the eyes "I'm scared Lucy." In that moment Lucy's Heart shattered into a million pieces. Her strong, fearless hard ass of T.O. Turned Sargent was looking up at her with a fear in his eyes she has never seen before. " Tim you are going to be just fine, no matter what okay. You are strong. The strongest man I have ever met if anyone can get through this it's you." She said gripping his hand with both of hers now he just nodded and looked back to the ceiling and stared but now he was the one gripping her hand. They stayed like that waiting for what seemed like hours before Lucy got a call. " Hey I'm gonna step outside and take this. You need anything while I'm out there." He shook his head no. So she got up and headed for the door accepting the call on her way.
" Hey Lucy where are you." She froze having forgotten all about their date for tonight. " oh crap Chris I'm so sorry. Today has been crazy. We were down both Sargents and that left Smitty in charge so I had to clean up that mess it just been crazy. Maybe we can reschedule dinner." She heard a pause on the other end of the phone " Chris are you there." Still nothing for a moment " Look Lucy do you even know what today is." She was caught off guard racking her brain for the answer. "Ahh no I guess not. What do you mean?" She asked " Look I don't think this is working we've been together for how long now and you do t even know my birthday. But I bet you know Tim's though don't you?" He said with a little venom in his voice. " Are you breaking up with me right now." She asked kind of dumbfounded. " Yeah Lucy I'm breaking up with you. I can't keep coming in second. I'm sorry." Then he ended the call before she could question what he met by coming in second. She turned around just to realize she had left the door open and walked into the room to see Tim Lying there with his eyes closed but she could tell by his breathing he wasn't sleeping. She sat down next to him "how much of that did you hear." Without opening his eyes he simply said " pretty much all of it... well your side of it anyway." He said opening his eyes and looking at her " I'm sorry that happened... are you okay." "I'm fine." She said and when she thought about it she really was. She was upset that he broke with her via phone call and not in person but other than that she was fine. With that Tim's doctor walked in the room. " Sargent Bradford we have your test results." " okay doc what the prognosis." Tim asked trying to act nonchalant like he wasn't completely terrified of what the doc had to say. " should we speak in private?" The doctor asked and Lucy began to stand to give the privacy but Tim quickly grabbed her had " No she can stay" he said before turning to her " Please stay." The look in his eye was the same look of fear as before and it told Lucy that he didn't want to be alone right now. " Of course I'll stay Tim." The doctor walked up to the opposite side of Tim's bed. " Sargent Bradford. After ruining the tests we found that after your altercation in the hall the lead to you emergency surgery. The bullet fragment severed the sciatic nerve which is the nerve that is responsible for a persons ability to walk. We were able to confirm that you spinal cord was not effected meaning your bodily functions are normal are still normal but unfortunately the damage to the nerve is irreversible." Tim stared back at the ceiling again gripping Lucy's hand even tighter. " So what are my option physical therapy what can we do." The doctor let out a sigh" Tim there is nothing we can do this kind of damage can't be fixed. We can send you to physical therapy for and pain management while your healing and we can send you to some mobility therapy...I am so sorry Tim....I will give some time and then in the morning I'll be back and we can talk next steps." Tim just nodded and the doctor left closing the door behind him. Lucy sat frozen for a moment processing what all of this would mean for Tim. Lucy looked at Tim for the first time since the doctor left and he had tears in his eyes. "Hey it's going to be okay. I know this is really scary and I know you must be angry but we will figure this out okay I'm going to be right here." Tim started to chuckle and it took Lucy by surprise being as this wasn't really a conversation that would find most people laughing. that was till he spoke " Ashley tried to talk me into retiring early, taking disability but I decided against it. Now it doesn't look like I'll have much of a choice." He said with a sad smile on his face " You don't know that Tim. Talk to Grey. I mean sure I know you may not be able to go out kn Patrol anymore but that doesn't mean you can't still be a cop you can work out of the station which I know you hate but.." she stopped as she saw more tears leak from his eyes " yeah right." He said as if it was a joke " Tim cross that bridge when you get to it okay right now let's worry getting you out of this god forsaken place okay." He just nodded his head. She looked at him and sighed. She sighed as she sat next to him on the bed. Grabbing both hands. " I know you need to process all this. And I know it won't be easy. I won't say I understand because I couldn't possibly understand but you will need to talk to someone to help you process your feelings and although I would one hundred percent be that person for you if you asked me to be I understand if you don't want me to be but talk to someone Grey , Angela or even Ginny. You can do this okay." He just nodded as tears ran down his face. " what happens now. I cant walk Lucy that means i cant do my job i cant even do something as simple as driving I'm useless." Lucy grabbed his hand and held it in her lap with both hands. " Don't say that Tim. You can still drive they make stuff for that now. And no you can't patrol but that doesn't mean you can't do anything okay you are not useless."  He just nodded. Lucy's heart was breaking. Even after everything with Isabel or his dad she had never seen Tim cry. She had never seen him look so lost like he had no idea what to do. She shifts on the bed so she is laying on her side next to him with her head on his chest be extremely careful not to apply any weight on him or jostle him in anyway. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arm around his from carefully." Everything's gonna be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it will I promise." She said but he didn't respond. They just laid there holding each other both with tears in their eyes . But laying there with Lucy tucked into his side he thought to himself he might actually be okay as long as she's here.