When I was your man{Larry Stylinson} *ON HOLD

Chapter 1

It's 1:30 in the morning on a Friday night. I should be in bed. I should be dreaming sweet dreams. I should be sleeping soothingly. I should be doing a lot of things right now. Like bathe, or eat a full meal for once. Maybe shave the stubble off my chin. Eleanor hates that. The hell she says. I don't care at all.

About anything really. Like right now I don't care about the stench that is fuming out of my underarms and chest. I don't care about my burnt lungs that are too weak from all the smoking and meth. I don't care about my visible scars that are upon my wrists and thighs. Especially the one below my left elbow, which was a nasty one. I hit bone that time, and it wasn't really a pretty picture. But I guess I'm used to the pain. I go through it everyday, anyways.

Right now I'm standing by the railing of my flat that I share with Harry. Damn it. The thought of Harry makes me want to jump off the balcony even more. I don't even bother try to stop the tears that stream down my cheeks.

How could this happen to me? I lost my friends and family. I lost Harry. The love of my life. I still remember the day we first made love. I was a virgin before I met Harry. And so was he. We both learnt from each other, and he showed me sex isn't just about feeling pleasure. He tought me that sex was meant to be given to someone you truly love and care for. That you would know the person who truly loves you is willing to get undressed emotionally.

"Louis....I, I love you."

The memories flash in my brain too quickly for me to adapt. Too late, I was thinking about everything that happened that night.

It was about 3 months after I stopped smoking. Harry had just helped me through my addiction when the other lads didn't care. We were in the room behind me, or my room. I suspected we were just in the moment,  but no. We both stared at eachother in the eye and knew that we both wanted this. Because we both loved each other. We both loved each other.....

I miss his touch. I miss his kiss. I miss the way he would hold me on a cold winter's night. The way he would always find that exact same spot on my neck every time he would give me love bites. The way he forgives easily. The way he forgiven me. . .

I regret everything. My life is hell because of my mistakes. And the worst part is that I don't learn from them. All the drugs have done something to my brain that can't make me think functionally. Especially when I'm around Eleanor, the lads, management, or Harry.

I can't even be in the same room with Niall too. Sometimes I could, as long as there are many people in the same room. Last time I was in a room alone with him didn't end well at all.

He wanted to talk. Just talk. He wanted us to be on good terms again. He wanted us to be friends again. Personally, I knew no way in hell that was going to happen. But he continued to talk. For a moment I really thought we were gonna be best buds again, but then he brought up the subject I wanted to avoid.

He was explaining how I shouldn't be pissed because he was with Harry and nothing was going to change that. He said how he truly is in love with Harry, and how it was vice versa. He was going to continue his sentence, but my fist in his jaw cut him off.

Believe me, I wasn't trying to do that. It just got me so pissed to hear how quickly Harry moved on. I guess I hurt Niall pretty bad, because he was rolling across the floor while covering his face, shrieking and crying in pain. Since everyone was in the next room, I knew I was going to be in trouble. I was actually going insane in that room. I was laughing frantically and laughing tears were pouring out of my eyes. But to see the horror on the face that was standing in the doorway made me stop.

Harry was gasping, with his hand over his mouth. He shot me a deadly look, and ran towards Niall. I was even more pissed. I didn't know why, but I ran towards Niall too and was ready to give him another punch, but Harry pulled me back.

We stared in each other's eyes for a while. Harry's were bloodshot, and full of anger. He was crying over his boyfriend's pain. The pain that I caused. Temptation made me lean in to give him a kiss. I wanted him to give me his love, show me passion one more time. But no, he just gave me a slap across my left cheek and shouted in my ear,

"You dirty, fucking bastard! Why would you do this?! Why?!"

Harry stood up and reached for Niall's free hand. His other hand was covering his jaw. They walked out the door, but before they fully left the room, I saw Harry give Niall a small peck on the lips. My life was shit. Still is, actually.

I broke his jaw, and for the next 7 months he had to wear a neck brace. He couldn't perform in our concerts, and I took most of his solos. Now and then I would stare at Harry. And it broke my heart to see a small tear shed down his eye.

Later that night I got an email from Harry. It was a video, and it made joy fill inside me. 

The video had Harry sitting in the middle of the room, with a small keyboard in front of him, and he looked confused.

"Niall, is it on?"

"Yes, Harry. Now say something."

Harry looked directly into the camera and sighed. He turned on the keyboard and smiled as soon as the mini piano bursted with life. He looked into the camera again, 

"This song is dedicated for you, Louis. Played by me, Harry Edward Styles. Enjoy."

I was smiling all kinds when he said the song was dedicated for me. But when I heard the tune of the song, sadness filled my heart. But his voice was so beautiful. His voice is like an angel, singing in the heavens. But the song made me weep of depression,

 "Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live

Oh, take, take, take it all, but you never give

Should've known, you were trouble from the first kiss 

Had your eyes wide open

Why were they open?"

He took a deep breath before he continued, fighting tears.

"Gave you all I had, and you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked

Cause what you don't understand"

I was sobbing through the whole video. I was sorry, so, so, sorry. I never told him. He never would let me apologize because I don't think he ever wants to talk to me again. I feel awful for all the pain I put him through.

"No, you won't do the same

You wouldn't do the same

Ooh, you never do the same

No, no, no, no"

He was about to burst into tears, and I wanted to hold him through it. I wanted to feel his lips, his touch, his soothing words, but he's just an image on a screen. He looked up into the camera and smiled.

"Thank you, Louis. You made me realize that I have to go through so much pain before I find someone who loves me with all their heart. And that person is Niall. I wish you happiness Lou. I can tell you really need it. Remember, you'll always be my Boo Bear. But I'm happy, can you just accept that?"

Black. The screen turned black and the video was over. I sat there shocked at Harry's words. He recited the stupid words of that stupid tweet I posted. My heart was dead, and I didn't know what to do. But I decided to hit up an old friend of mine and get some of the monster, aka crystal meth.

Ever since then I've been addicted all over again. But there's no one here to help me through it.

I chill at the cold breeze that hit my body. Oh yeah, I'm still outside. My tears froze against my cheeks, and I am tempted to drink this whole cup of alcohol in my hand. Fuck it.

I continue to drink. Pretty soon I'm drunk, and to stop from doing something stupid, I pass out on the balcony floor.