Star boy: A ghetto top man's story. Book I

Chapter 31

In my former years, in my very tender years, I had always thought I was too mature for my age. The elders in my community use to commend my mom on how she raised me. My dad was what you called a proud peacock when he spoke about how intelligent I was. He never allowed my mom to attend school events to collect my awards and certificate; he wanted to be the center of it all. My dad saw me going places and I believe that is the reason why he was so hard on me when it comes to gaining a good education and maintaining a certain status. The boys in my community could only dream of fucking me, they knew nothing personal about me. I was either at home or school and if I was in public, I was either under the supervision of my dad and mom or in the company of my eldest cousins who were just as strict as my dad.

As a result of how I was raised, I developed a dominant character; I believe that I am very level-headed and I carefully planned my moves no matter how small they are. The relationship I am in right now makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel out of my shell, stripped of my persona. I had no idea who this new Ashley was and it scared the shit out of me. I worry that my dad will find out. This relationship was enough to chastise the bond I have with my father. He would not be proud of the road I am on and thoughts of this terrifies me. I love and value my father so much and for this reason, I have decided to end this affair with Star boy and his wife. The thought was painful but it needed to be done.

To detach from Mrs. Anderson was easy but I find it very hard to stop thinking about Star boy. He has brought such great value to my life and has helped me to pursue one of my biggest dreams! The money he gave me the other day was the stepping stone to the future endeavors that I want to undertake. I was elated since I didnt have to rely on my father. I needed to leave him though, something in me told me that I was making the right decision.

My heart raced.

I found it difficult to control my breathing as I thought of how I was going to break off this relationship with Star boy. I picked up my phone and began typing. My hands trembled as I wrote.

Yesterday was good for what it's worth. You touched parts of my inner being that I packed away from the world so tightly. You saw right through me as if our souls have met a thousand lifetimes ago. While an energy/encounter like this is mesmerizing, it is also very scary for me. Encounters like these are too cryptic for me since it taps on doors inside of me that I am afraid to have open. It's good for my heart but as for my head, it's too much and I fear the journey. I fear being too open to people, it fucks with my head. Vulnerability is my danger zone. I cannot do this anymore my love, I'm deeply sorry.

I closed the chat head and placed the phone on my bed.

A few minutes later messages began to storm in. I was anxious to see his responses. I decided to slide down the top of the phone screen to review the messages before I went on the chat.

Star Boy: Sigh WTF????

Star Boy: Where is this coming from?

Star Boy: Yuh joking right?

Star Boy: Me a come fi yuh right now!

Star Boy: Weh you deh girl???

Star Boy: Why are you playing with me, Ash???

I ignored them.

I wanted to focus on myself. I saw no way that this relationship could make me feel contented. I aspire to be someone's wife and the idea of sharing a man cripples my being. I want to come home and fall into the arms of my husband, cook with him, be bestowed with his undivided attention; a relationship of this nature will only rob me of those opportunities.

Star boy began to call me. One call after the other. As soon as a call ended another one came in just as quickly. I decided to block him. I browsed through the setting of the phone and found the block icon. I typed Star boy's name and his number came up. I pressed blocked. His name appeared on the blocklist. My heart melted as tears build up in my eyes. Why was this so hard?

I sighed loudly hugged my pillow and cried myself to sleep.