About to Break (Holding You)

Part 1

[I'm trying myself in a multichapter. Wish me luck.

Although technically it's a FwB story, there is not much smut scenes in here, and more fluff and pining, because that's how it always is with me, I'm a useless sob.

This story is primarily focused on Hwasun, other ships are only minor ones.

Another warning: it's not finished yet, so the updated might be a little chaotic, because I'm a VERY slow writer, but Hwasun content is struggling (as always), and this story is gathering dust in my drafts for a while now (〜￣▽￣)〜]

January

"What a pathetic sight." Hyejin snorts. It's quiet enough that no one but me hears it.

"Are you talking about me?" I drawl back, not particularly offended by her words, because yes, right now, I really am a rather pathetic sight. All of me is a carefully hidden sadness and wistful glances at Byulyi, whose eyes are only on Wheein. "Or are you referring to yourself?"

"Both."

Hyejin is so painstakingly right with her insensitive mark that it makes me wanna laugh. But the restaurant we are having dinner at is too fancy for my screechy laugh, and Byulyi and Wheein, sitting across from me and Hyejin, are so idiotically happy looking at one another with corny lovesick eyes that I just don't dare to disturb their little world. A world where there is absolutely no place for me or Hyejin.

Again, I start to regret that I agreed to this dinner at all, but then I quickly cut myself off, because if I didn't come, Hyejin would be playing the role of the third wheel all by herself. No matter how much we quarreled at times, I like her enough not to wish her such a fate.

"And yet," Wheein suddenly says, attracting my attention. "This place is a bit too pretentious for us."

"You could say that again," Hyejin mutters, eyeing suspiciously her untouched plate of salmon the size of her fingernail. "We could've just got some pizza. What is the point of expensive restaurants?"

"It was Byulyi-unnie's idea," Wheein says immediately and chuckles when she gets an embarrassed look from her.

"I thought that the situation required a special setting," Byulyi coughs, straightening the sleeve of her black jacket in a simple graceful move, and my heart habitually skips a beat, sending my whole body into an exciting fall down. "We have important news, and since you two are our closest friends, we decided to tell you first."

Byulyi looks at Wheein with a happy (a bit shy and adorable) look, and the latter playfully smiles back at her, and oh shit, I already know what the news is. I'm starting to get sick, even though the amount of food I've eaten before could fit in one bite, but I somehow manage to maintain a neutral expression.

That is, until I feel Hyejin's fingers frantically gripping the fabric of my pants right above my knee. I look to the right, where she sits, and I see from her pale face that she, too, has guessed what will be discussed now. 

She is clearly unwell, looking at Wheein with a mixture of ill-concealed terror.

I don't think much about what I'm going to do. In fact, I don't think at all. I just take Hyejin's hand and intertwine our fingers, trying not to wince at the long nails painfully digging into my skin. Her shoulders relax a little - it seems that my grip is somehow helping.

(It was only much later that I realized that this was the first time we held hands.)

It wasn't supposed to hold any meaning. Just a means to help Hyejin cope and keep her face, because we both are foolish enough to be in love with people who didn't love us back the way we wanted it.

Pathetic, huh?

"Byulyi proposed to me," says Wheein. I just now notice the thin silver on her left ring finger and mentally scold myself for my lack of attention. If only I had seen it earlier, at least I had prepared for the news. Or prepared Hyejin.

"We've already set a date," Byulyi continues, and I catch her gaze sparkling with pure happiness. Oh damn, that hurts. "Next year, in May, when Wheein graduates from university."

 I look at them and I can't even manage a pathetic fake smile. Hyejin still holds a death grip on my hand, but she swiftly takes control of her emotions and says congratulations. The laugh that comes after seems to be a little strained, dusted by tears, strangling her throat.

"I'm so happy for you, Wheein-ah," she croaks, and her bright red lips stretch into a pained smile that looks more like a cracked scar than a genuine smile, but Wheein is too happy to notice the difference and Byulyi is too busy looking in my direction because I still can't bring myself to speak.

"Yongsun-unnie?" Byulyi says softly with a hesitant laugh. "Are you okay?"

No, I'm not okay. My best friend, with whom I've been in love with for the past two years, is engaged to another woman, so no, I'm not fucking okay.

"Unnie is so happy she left speechless," Hyejin comes to the rescue. Her pointy heel kicks my ankle, and the sudden pain brings me back to my senses in a surprising way.

"It's so wonderful!" I may be saying it with a tad bit too much enthusiasm than I should, but, honestly, right now I don't give a damn what they might think, I just want to lock myself in my apartment and not leave until the end of time. "Congratulations!"

I say something else, but not a single word is imprinted in my memory, I just squeeze Hyejin's fingers and try not to look at Byulyi.

"Unnie, I think there is no need to state the obvious once again - you will be my bridesmaid." Byulyi's words register in my mind as if from under water, and for a second I make myself believe that this is all probably a dream, and I will wake up in my bed now, and there is no upcoming weddings, and I still have the dubious right to quietly love Byulyi from a distance.

But my hand is sweaty and numb in Hyejin's grip, and my chest hurts so badly that it's pretty obvious. This is real.

"Yes, of course," I snort and turn to Hyejin. "We will be the most beautiful bridesmaids at your wedding. Nobody will even look at you."

Byulyi and Wheein laugh as I look into Hyejin's broken eyes and see my own reflection in her despair.