About to Break (Holding You)

Part 2

February

Hyejin's apartment is as messy as ever, with clothes scattered here and there and towers of unread books and DVDs (who even buys DVDs these days?). We sit on the floor, watch some stupid low-rated comedy and drown ourselves in alcohol. 

For the third time in the three weeks that have passed since that evening at the pompous restaurant.

"Yongsun-unnie."

"What?" I'm a little dizzy from two glasses of strong red wine with a three-figure dollar price tag, but overall I feel sober enough to notice how unacceptably close Hyejin is sitting next to me. "What are you doing?"

"Sending everything to hell." She mutters low and kisses me. It feels... good. Even despite the fact that I just sit there and blink dumbly. I feel the bitter taste of wine on her lips and a bit of her lipstick, but I don't return the kiss, I don't close my eyes, I don't move at all, in fact, too taken aback by the suddenness of everything, and Hyejin pulls away with a sigh. "Damn, was my kiss really that bad?"

She knows perfectly well that it was far from bad, I can see it in the self-satisfied gleam in her eyes. Or do they gleam because of an obscenely expensive bottle of wine from my father's collection, which we shamelessly destroyed without a good enough reason?

"Have you lost your mind?" I shake my head, fighting the urge to lick my lips and feel the taste of her lipstick on me again. (I remind myself that I don't like Hyejin like this. It helps. A little.)

"Come on," she grimaces, leaning back on her elbows and crossing her legs, and– Fuck, she shouldn't look half as good in those horrible Simpsons sweatpants than she looks to me right now. 

I blame it all on the wine. 

"I'm not Byulyi-unnie." Something dies inside of me from these words, but I'm doing well. Probably. "I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend or anything like that. I'm proposing a deal that we both benefit from."

"You're definitely crazy," I come to a logical conclusion and drink the rest of the wine in my glass. "Your broken heart drove you crazy."

"Ugh, now that's a corny line." Hyejin snorts and utters a low, chesty laugh. "You learned that from Byulyi-unnie? It's terrible. Really, really terrible."

"Well, you know, if you were half as corny as Byulyi, maybe Wheein would look your way."

The words came out before I could think. 

Damn it.

But instead of an offended answer or a shout or a kick, I hear laughter again. It's bitter and not very joyful, and it lasts too long, and I don't like that sound at all.

"Such a cute face and such mean words," Hyejin drawls, laughing, and I'm already opening my mouth to splutter apologies, but I'm interrupted. "Don't bother yourself, unnie, I understand. It's fine. Although, it's quite unexpected to hear such harsh words from you. You are usually more restrained in your expressions with me than with the others."

"Well, I guess I'm crazy too," I mutter back, and our eyes meet, and something in the depths of Hyejin's eyes makes my insides turn upside down.

"Then what's stopping you? Since neither I nor you have any common sense left?"

What, indeed?

I crawl closer and hover over her in a strange pose.

"Have you ever kissed a girl, unnie?" Hyejin asks, catching up on my hesitation in a flash. She grabs my waist and pulls me towards her, allowing me to straddle her hips. So much more comfortable. And a hundred times more embarrassing. At least for me, because Hyejin is clearly enjoying it all. "Except for my kiss that was so bad you didn't even close your eyes."

"I kissed girls," That's a lie. "And your kiss wasn't bad." And this is true. "You just caught me by surprise."

"Don't lie, unnie," Hyejin squints and licks her lips. She's trying to be sexy, but I think she's awfully cute, and I can't really blame the wine anymore because I feel like I'm getting sober every second that flies off the clock.

"No, really, you're a good kisser..."

"Oh, I know." Of course Ahn Hyejin knows. At such moments, I desperately want to have at least half of the self-confidence that she exudes with every breath, movement and word. "I'm talking about your experience with girls."

"I–"

"Come on," Hyejin snorts and runs her hands down my thighs, sending goosebumps up my back. "I remember how you panicked when you realized that you like Byulyi-unnie–"

 "I don't want to talk about her anymore," I interrupt.

"Well, then do something already," Hyejin sighs, and I, mentally sending everything to hell, lean in and kiss her. Hyejin immediately opens her mouth at my awkward peck and takes the lead.

It's very... unusual to kiss a girl. Not that it's unpleasant. On the contrary, even. It's soft and gentle on a whole new level and I love it. In my dreams, of course, the girl was Byulyi, but right now Hyejin's impossibly soft lips, her fingers buried in my hair, and the warmth of her body underneath me is all I can think of. She runs her tongue over my lower lip, eliciting a half-strangled moan from me. She laughs softly.

"Cute."

"Shut up."

We kiss again.