Speak Now

❦. prologue

Y/n s pov.

"They're inseparable, those two." I remember my mom saying this to Joan, as Ariana and I were playing in the pool, and she was right.

Ariana and I grew up together, she and her family lived nextdoor to my house, our parents were good friends, so were Ari and I. She supported me through my transition, she was my pilar and even if we were really young, I knew who I wanted to be and Ariana accepted it more than anyone else could have.

She was my dearest friend, up until she met Jazmyn and the jealousy I felt made me realize that I loved ariana more than as my best friend.

While Ariana was thriving in her first relationship, high school became rapidly hell on my side, I fell into a deep depression when people found out I was transgender and lesbian.

People say middle school is hard, but no, high school is the one that will get the most to you. The bullying was constant, and the death threats, unbearable.

To shut the rumors down, I started to dress hyper feminine, the complete opposite of my usual style. I learned how to tuck better and overall just masked my homosexuality, I wanted to fit in.

I had never felt this alone in my entire life, Ariana tried to help but she just couldn't understand what it felt like to be casted aside because you were being your true self, honestly i don't blame her.

She spent most of her time with me, which almost costed her her relationship with Jazmyn, I had told her multiple times that I didn't need her and that she should spend more time with her girlfriend.

The one time she listened to me and left me alone, I tried to end it. Ariana had forgotten her schoolbag and that's when she found me on the floor, unconscious, my letter sitting besides me. I honestly regret choosing this almost ending for myself and if it wasn't for Ariana I would not be here today.

After this I ended up going to therapy and finding what I thought was the better version of myself and by the time I felt healed enough to allow love to be in my life, Ariana had already left for Los Angeles, to pursue her career in music.

She was still my best friend but it wasn't the same, she didn't trust me with myself, I felt like a burden to her. I distanced myself so she could be happy, in detriment of my own happiness. We still saw each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas but she always had someone in the picture.

The first four years it was Jazmyn, then they broke up and then, a guy named Dalton, I personally didn't like him, and I told her that when he made a degrading comment to me for dating a girl who already had kids.

"Aren't you mad you're not the one who got to impregnate her." Yeah, that's what he said. I did beat him up, terrifying Ariana and our families, but he deserved it.

After that, uh... Ariana pretty much stopped talking to me. The last time I saw her was a while ago, during the holidays, she was dating someone named Malcolm, I did like this guy. Not enough to stop the need to fight him for dating Ariana but enough to sit down with him and have a civilized conversation.

Life events made me want to move to the west coast as well, I really went in over my head. Life got too expensive and I lost everything I had.

I tried to dabble in drugs, but this shit scared me. I started drinking to stop thinking about my reality but the money people gave me was never enough for a bottle as well as food.

I hated my life and myself.

❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

hello everyone, welcome to my new story! i haven't updated anything in a year because i'm a mama now (crying) and it feels good to be back. i will try to update this story regularly but dabbling between motherhood, college and this story will probably be kinda hard, but it'll be ok. anyway, i will see you soon!

please note that english is not my 1st language so some expressions/sayings may be off but i really try to do my research before writing down anything <3

happy holidays from me, nevaeh, and baby célina (who just threw her bottle at my mac to say hi.) 🎄❄️