Life is Filled with Ups and Downs

Chelsea's life story

Was it painful? it must have been cold and lonely all by yourself. I'm sorry I'm late Jacob.

Seeing the body of my best friend swinging lifelessly like that is not something a 17-year-old girl wants to see. Did I cry? honestly no, maybe I was too shocked to think he had really left. Not one single tear left my eye, but I did feel betrayed.

How could he leave me alone in this cruel world all by myself? We had always been there for each other, when my mom left me in the cold because she hated the fact I look like my dad, to when his brother died, and his mother was admitted in the hospital because of cancer. We both had tough lives and decided to be there for each other.

But then again, I'm to be blamed, I ignored his calls because my mom had beaten me, and I really wanted to be alone. If I had just sucked it up and answered, would you still be alive? why is this so freaking hard. My chest kept tightening, was I sad? then why can't I cry, why can't I be normal and mourn the loss of my best friend? FUCK! I hate this.

I knew Jacob was probably in hell giving the devil a hard time, he was pretty annoying. I know you're thinking "why would you say he's in hell" do you think people like us deserve to be in heaven? he took a life, his life. Isn't that a crime?

I walked over to the desk in his room to find the letter he had written "Dear Chel, I know you're probably the one that found me lol. We've always been there for each other; I know I promised we'd grow up together, we'd leave this life when we were adults and start anew. Are you crying? I don't think you are because you were always strong, and you truly look ugly when you cry! omg. I'm sorry I left you all alone, I'm sorry I went the same way your father did, sorry I didn't tell you that you mean the world to me. It was really hard for me to bare, my mom passed away today on the day of my brothers' death anniversary. You forgot, didn't you? I know if you remember you would've kept me company and tried to distract me. So, I purposely didn't remind you, but when mom died something in me died also. Pun intended lol even when dead I'm funny. anyways it's not your fault, love you Chel! goodbye."

"Annoying...even in death you're annoying! why didn't you just tell me Jacob! if you sent a message after seeing I didn't answer, I would've come! FUCK Jacob why are you always so selfish" I broke down in tears crushing the paper. Finally! I cried realizing I was at fault, even when he said it wasn't, I think it's pretty clear it is.

I wanted to get him down and yell at him while holding him in my hands, but I was afraid that if I did it would all become real. Why'd you leave me?

I feel so lost and confused, "911...I should call 911."

"This is 911, how may I help you?" the female voice answered.

"...."

"Hello?"

"Um-h-hello?" I finally gathered the nerves to reply.

"How may we help you miss?" the lady asked.

"My best friend...committed...suicide" I answered trying to be calm.

"How old are you miss?"

"17" I sniffled.

"Can I speak to an adult please?" she asked, but only a dead body and I were here.

"No, I'm alone"

"What's your address?" she asked calmly.

"19 West Blake Road, it's a housed painted in red."

"Ok please stay calm, there will be an ambulance and police officer there in 20 minutes." she stated.

In exactly 20 minutes they arrived, that was fast right?

I sat in a police car while they investigated the scene. I didn't know they investigated suicide cases too, they even wanted to bring me in for questioning. I didn't refuse since I had nothing to hide, but when they brought his lifeless body out on a stroll I flew from the car and ran over to him.

"Jacob? are you ok? you aren't cold, are you?" I asked while tucking the sheet under his body making sure he was warm enough. They tried to pull me away, but I screamed, thinking this was the last time I would see him. What did I think was going to happen? He would suddenly wake up and say it was a prank? HA! oh, I wished it was.

"Miss Parker calm down and step away from the body" A officer said.

"NO! I won't...I-I can't, you don't understand...he was my everything" I clinged to his cold body, he didn't look dead more like he was sleeping peacefully. I also realized something; Jacob meant more to me than I thought. This wasn't the pain of a friend, my heart ached much more, suddenly I realized I loved him more than a friend, he was my brother, he was family. Will I ever get over this? I'm not sure I can.

"Chel you little b****" a voiced call out to me. I had forgotten they called my "mom".

She walked up to me and grabbed me by my hair pulling me from Jacob. She had a tight grip but right now nothing could compare to the pain I was feeling.

"So, this is where you went! what are you crying because your lil boyfriend is died? now you know how I felt when your asshole of a father took his life and left me alone to take care of you" she shouted, wow she was really heartless.

"Miss you can't do that here, is she your daughter?" A other officer than last time asked.

"Wish she wasn't" she rolled her eyes.

"Come! we're going home" she pulled my hair.

"Miss I'll have to ask you to let go of the child" the officer stated.

"Fine! lil b*tch" she smacked at him.

She's crazy I know, that's what I've been living with! every day I tell myself I only have one more year until I'm 18.

"I think both of you need to come to the station with us" the officer added.

Few Minutes later we arrived in the station and were but in different interrogating rooms. I thought I would be questioned about Jacob.

"As your mother been physically abusing you?" A female detective asked.

I hesitated at first but decided to just tell the truth "Yes" I answered.

"For how long?" she asked.

"Since my father died when I was 12", I replied.

"Do you want to be put in foster care until you're 18 or go back home?"

I thought which was better, staying with my abusive mother that could kill me one day or go a place far away from her. I knew most kids put in foster care are treated badly, but for me it would be for a year.

"F....Foster care" I answered.

I'll finally be free, I felt a swift of joy and thought of telling Jacob, but he wasn't here anymore. He was really gone; this was really the last time she would see her best friend that became her brother.

<Five years later>

Even after five years I still haven't gotten over it, I still visit his grave to tell him how my life is going. I have been going to therapy to learn how to cope, but it's not helping. After being put in foster care the detective that interrogated me kept tabs on me, while my mom was charged with domestic violence and sentenced to 30 years in prison. Guess what? she took her life too. She mailed me a letter few days before she did say this was her way of getting revenge. At that time, I didn't know what it meant, but apparently, she killed herself to get revenge. Such a great mother, isn't she?

This made me get worst after I had started to get over Jacob. For days I didn't eat, I cried, I blamed myself, I turned to alcohol, I once tried to end my life also but something in me said I should live happily for Jacob's sake. That's when I decided to apply to university and got accepted and now, I'm living that university life. It sucks that Jacob isn't here, since we were both meant to apply to university together.

I hope life gets better; I hope I have a happy ending, I hope no one goes through what I did. This truly the worst life to have.

"I'll acheive our dream and make you proud Jacob, and one day I'll join you, hopefully in 60 years. When i'm 82 years old" I thought as I looked up into the night sky on the day of Jacob's death anniversary.

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