"I didn't mean to". I didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I really didn't. After all he's my best friend. I'm just scared, I'm scared to lose him. I'm scared he doesn't wanna be around me. Does he hate me? Have I been replaced. We don't talk as much as we used too. Why? And why does it scare me so much? This has been stuck in my head for so long. The fear. The anxiety. The anger. All bubbling and burning its way all the way till. Now. It's dark and my mind feels heavy. I feel like I am being pulled into a hole I cannot escape. But I've been falling for way longer then that. 3 months. Falling. 3 months, 1month, 30 days, 3 months, 90 days. Can I get out now. I'm no longer afraid of falling because I have. And no one knows I'm falling. I'm "lazy", "selfish", "unresponsible". But the truth is I work my butt off. I go to school when my body isn't messed up and I try really hard to get my work done but I'm stressed because I only have a couple days to catch up on all my school work. I'm scared, I don't want to fail, I want to show people that I'm not lazy and that I do the work necessary to make it happen. I'm angry at the people who say these things a lot of them are people I used to call friends or even family. Hurt. Betrayal. Nothing, I feel nothing. I am numb, numb to feeling sad about life. My mind is blank, no thoughts, free. Finally. I just needed a break. A break from going to school, then to work, and home. I have no safe place, I'm stuck having to act as if I'm all good when I'm drowning. Not in tears. But in the emptiness slowly consuming me. Killing me slowly.
