cod oneshots n imagines ✨

all the things i wanna say (ghost x child reader)

as per request of @lilithbookalcoholic, a ghost x child reader :)

sorry this has taken so long, i just wanted to make sure it went over right !

⚠️content warning: mentions of abuse, blood, graphic n violent content ⚠️

Hard conversations were just that; hard. And no matter how he worded it, it would never come out in a way that made sense to her. She would never be content with the reality of the situation, and he didn't know how to make her as such. However, eventually, he knew she would begin to pick up on the small details that didn't fit the picture he'd painted her. She'd have questions, and he more than likely wouldn't have the answers.

He studied her as she fiddled with the flowers in the grass. She appeared to be in her own world, lost in a good book. The breeze caressed the strands of her hair and he wondered: would it really be so bad? Did she have to know? She was at peace for the first time. Ruining that made his stomach turn and knot. Was it really the right thing? What if he had told her? At the wrong place, the wrong time. She'd resent him, maybe. At the least, yearn to leave his side. And then he couldn't protect her like he had so many times before.

Recalling the events, the mission where he'd found her, boiled his blood. The scene he entered, when he had found him atop of her... why remind her of it? He himself could barely stomach it. At the least, he was dead. That's all that mattered. To him, anyways. She seemed better off without the memory of all that. Although she struggled with night terrors time and time again, they never seemed to be about the last time she'd seen her father, which might have been a good thing. But that's not to say they were any better than reliving those events. Sprinting to her room in the middle of the night, her physical and mental sickness, her mysterious anxieties that plagued her when she was alone or in public... that, in itself, was it's own hell. It's own nightmare. He shivered at the thought of what revealing her truth could do to her after the matter. He wasn't planning on being a father, never really gave it much of a chance to slip into more than a passing thought. And yet, here he was. Fully responsible for someone he barely knew. Because of that, he thought it would be easy to be honest to her. But it didn't. He knew too well what it was like to have someone destroy your peace, sanity. To have someone strip you of everything you thought you knew about yourself and life as it is, or was, with a single sentence or action. It was a part of his job, which felt almost hypocritical. Built and trained to ruin lives, but here he was preserving hers. Making sure she felt safe, secure and loved. Maybe it was because he hadn't. His face burned at the thought, it made him feel foolish. To think he could even compare their situations. She had it way worse, and therefore deserved better than he.

He wanted to smile at her - with her - as she laid in the grass and let the sun shine on her face. But all he felt was guilt. That he couldn't have been there sooner, what he could've done differently. She deserved more than he could ever give her, and that's what hurt the most. He wanted to look at her and not see the past in her eyes but he couldn't. It would only be some years before she would find herself and be rid of him and the life they once shared. And it might have been sooner if he decided to be honest with her. Tell her what had really happened. But how do you go about telling someone you were responsible of their parent's death? Even if it had been the right thing to do.

"Gotta do it, mate. I'sa hard conversation but it's either you do it or she finds out for herself. Might hate you for it regardless but if you do it while she's still here it might give her time to forgive you."

"You're not usually the type to involve yourself in...caring affairs."

He could feel Price eyeing him from the side, but he kept his sight on her.