In the shadows || shewrites_772

Chapter 2

⚠️⚠️SELF HARMING⚠️⚠️

"Honey come on your gonna be late it's your first day back!!" My mom shouts.

I toss and turn and put my head under the covers dreading this day. as I walk to my bathroom I feel my body giving up on me and simply not working.

I collapse.

I start to blink and everything is blurry and delayed. I rub my eyes and grab onto the bathroom counter to help myself balance again. I look in the mirror

I touch every single part of me. My red, purple puffy eye bags, my half opened eyes, my beat red eyes from crying, my dried cut open lips, my messy brown frizzy depressed hair, my necks that have them.

I sigh and Lift up my 2XL hoodie. I'm not actually a 2XL I just don't want myself to be seen. I examine my body touching and tracing over the marks all over them from him and I cry. No. Sob.

I look at the digital clock in my bathroom and realize I only have 10 minutes to get ready then I have to leave since school starts at 8:50 and I live 15 minutes away.

I begin to wipe my tears and I realize my black nail polish is chipped on my nails. "God I'm such a mess" I say out loud to myself while just completely staring into my empty eyes.

I hear a knock and look over and see my mom standing watching me like she saw someone get murdered. "Hun, you don't look to well are you doing okay?" She walked towards me and went to grab my shoulders to look directly at my face and I flinch and back up.

"I'm fine mum. I'm just tired I didn't get much sleep last night I'm almost ready though." I fake my best smile ever.

She hugs me and says "your gonna be okay baby it's just school then you can come straight home and we can go shopping together or go to the hair salon!" She smiles and her dimples show.

"Yeah mom. Maybe we can do that I'll have to see how I feel." I turn to my sink and brush my teeth.

I soon dig into my unorganized dresser until I find something that's not all the way wrinkled yet and realize it's shortsleeved but it'll have to do. I throw it on my bed as I gather my sleeves and pants and the rest of my outfit.

I go to the bathroom mirror one last time checking how I look. "I can't fucking do this shit." I tell myself in the mirror. I don't even bother to brush my hair I just put it up into a messy bun again like usual.

"we have to go!!" My mom shouts.
Coming!! I reply while gathering my things and run downstairs.

The car ride is silent. I looked out the window the entire time and I can feel my mom looking directly to me and is scared her little girl isn't here anymore.

****

"Have a good day!! I love u" she says
Bye mom. I reply with a small fake smile.

I gulp and begin to walk and I hear everything again. All the whispers and the rumors everything is exactly how they used to be and everyone is still the same. The only difference is some girls have overlined clown lips and is now a c cup and the boys are taller and bigger.

As I walk past the "it" girls I hear them whisper "wasn't she dead??" "I don't know but she sure looks it" they both laugh as I begin to walk faster and roll my eyes.

I wish I wasn't here why couldn't it have worked. Why am I so weak. I run into the bathroom stall and have a panick attack. I bite my nails, sob, I go get the razor out of my phone case.

"Just a few then I'll be good" I say outside to myself.
I pull up my sleeves and take the silver razor blade. I glide it accross my scarred up wrist. I close my eyes and deal with the pain that isn't there. I soon as I finish I open my eyes and look down at it.