Faith: The Unholy Trinity Oneshots

𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙄 𝘼𝙈 𝘼 𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙉𝙀𝙍

[WARNINGS: A LITTLE SEXUAL, INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA]
[1187 WORDS]
[JOHN WARD & OC]
[HINT OF ANGST/SEMI FLUFF]
[NOTE: EVERY CHARACTER IS CANONICALLY BISEXUAL. JUST THOUGHT TO REMIND EVERYONE :)]

John remembered when he first fell in love with a man.

It was a man around his age, with a muscular build, neat black hair, and striking forest-green eyes. He was simply... how did he put it back then? No amount of words seemed to be able to describe him -- he was beautiful, handsome, elegant... perfect. John was absolutely smitten. His heart fluttered when the man (who appeared to be around six-foot, towering over him) spoke to him, his mind raced with lustful thoughts and his cheeks and ears grew hot. The man was amused.

"Awe, am I makin' you flustered?" He asked the priest, "So adorable."

Adorable. The man called him adorable.

The two men introduced themselves (his name was Sam), and they chatted, but John could barely focus. He wanted to bend to the man's every desire, pleasure him beyond what any woman would be able to do. After a couple hours, Sam offered a ride to his house, for a night of... pleasure. John felt drunk off lust, and so, he agreed without another thought.

The two men went to Sam's house. It was along a main road, the house itself being a small two-story home. It looked cozy.

The taller man grabbed John's hand and led him inside, and the priest's stomach churned uncomfortably. He was starting to have second thoughts. Why did he agree to this? Why was he this way? Why, O Lord, why?

"Hey, baby, deep breaths." The man said softly.

He grabbed John's other hand. The priest didn't even notice that he was holding his breath as he was trapped within his own spiraling questions. He took a deep breath, then looked up at Sam, who smiled down at him.

"That's it. It's okay." He said, "What's wrong?"

"I-I don't think we should be doing this." John admitted, "It... it's a sin to lust, especially for another man!"

Sam seemed to roll his eyes, then pull John further into his home. "Lemme ask you this, John. Didn't God create us in his own image?" He asked.

John slowly nodded. The taller man brought him up the stairs.

"Doesn't God love all his creations, no matter how they look or act?" Sam asked again.

"Y-yes. He does." John muttered.

"Then, no matter what we do tonight, He will always love you, just as much as He loves all of us." The taller man said.

"I... suppose you're right." The priest said.

It doesn't help that this still feels wrong. He thought.

Sam frowned, seeing that he was still hesitant. He brushed the shorter man's hair out of his face, then tilting his chin up to look at him.

"Hey, if you don't wanna do this, it's okay, baby. I don't mind." Sam said.

John panicked for a moment. He didn't want to lose him. As hard as it was to admit, he loved Sam.

Perhaps... just this once. He thought, God, please forgive me.

John closed the gap between the two's faces, swiftly kissing the taller man's lips. When he pulled back, he bowed his head shamefully.

"Please... I want to be with you." He muttered.

Sam cooed. "It's okay, baby." He said, cupping the shorter man's cheeks.

The rest of the night was a blurr for John. He remembered skin rubbing against his own, soft kisses dancing across his lips and body. He remembered Sam whispering assuring words in his ears as tears fell down his cheeks. That night felt like Heaven and Hell.

Heaven, because he was with Sam. Hell, because he broke his vows as a member of the clergy.

The next morning, John awoke in the man's arms -- completely naked, covered by sheets. Memories of the night before spun around in his mind till he was dizzy. His stomach twisted again as his head cleared. He committed sin. He laid with a man like how he laid with his ex-wife. He felt almost sick, at himself. However, he liked it -- loved it, actually -- and he was suddenly more confused than disgusted.

If laying with a fellow man was a sin (as well as his lusting), then why did he enjoy it? Why did it feel so, so good?

Sam's words repeated themselves in his mind -- "...no matter what we do tonight, He will always love you..." -- and he, finally, felt content.

John sighed, happily, shamelessly, snuggling into Sam's warmth. The taller man appeared to awaken from the simple movement, chuckling and kissing his forehead.

"Morning, handsome boy." He muttered.

"Morning." John replied, smiling.

"You seem happier. What's got'cha all excited?" Sam asked.

The smaller man wasn't sure how to put it into words. After a moment, he just allowed the words to spill from his mouth.

"I was thinking about what I said last night, that... this was a sin." He said, "Well, I was thinking... if God forgives all sins, then He will forgive me of the sin that makes me happy."

Sam's smile widened. He kissed John's forehead again, pulling him close to hug him. The smaller man gladly hugged him back.

"This is perhaps the first time I've felt true happiness since... since... by God, forever." John muttered.

He refrained from speaking of the Martin house, of his time in a psych ward, of the Profane Sabbath. He knew that Sam would think he was crazy... and he'd be lost.

"I'm glad that you found something to be happy with." Sam whispered in his ear.

"Yes. I'm happy with you." The smaller man said.

The two men shared a kiss. Then, they got changed, being sure to cover their hickeys and bruises. Sam was pretty rough on John that night, and John held on a little too tightly. He apologized for it, but the taller man said he actually quite liked them. "I've always liked bruises I get from sex. I think they're beautiful, when I think about it." He said. John didn't really understand, but he still nodded.

The two men would start a meaningful, beautiful relationship, even if it had to be hidden for each other's safety. That didn't stop Sam from making moves on John in public spaces -- holding the smaller man's pinky in his as they walked, sneaking kisses to his cheek at restaurants, resting a hand on John's thigh, close his crotch. The two eventually had a falling out over it (having to hide their relationship), and it broke John. Even then, he didn't tell anyone. Not even Father Garcia. He picked himself up, and moved on.

He hadn't felt happier, but he knew that he couldn't have a relationship like that again. It was a sin -- a beautiful, sensual sin that gave John butterflies whenever he saw an attractive man -- that he could never reveal to anyone. No matter how many times he stared at the confession booth, wanting to be relieved of his sin, he knew it would get him kicked out of the clergy at best, or killed at worst.

"Pray for me Father, for I have sinned." He muttered to himself, knowing that no one could hear him.