GENRE angst
WARNING
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September 4, XXXX
She loved him ever since the beginning and he always made her happy and felt the greatest.
Yet here she was looking at her screen tired, head full of thoughts, eyes red from crying, while the music played in her ears.
She couldn't stop thinking about him but it wasn't a good thought like the usual. It was different.
She hated herself for always putting him in a bad mood, or at least that's what she thought.
He tells her that it's not it, but she is doubtful in her mind, overthinking the situation.
She was never sure of it though, all her thoughts, she was never sure.
But because of that, she disliked her mindset. She hated herself for every ''mistake''.
She only had herself to blame for everything.
She turns to the mirror looking at herself, how pitiful and messy she is at this moment.
Her heart aches when she thinks about her appearance once again, She wasn't pretty and it hurts. She has always wanted to be one of those pretty girls people would adore like the other girl he considered as ''only a friend''.
What does he think of her appearance, she wonders.
Does he find her attractive? pretty? beautiful? He did say those words but are they really the truth?
Or does he pity her? Did he only say that to make her feel better and stop wasting tears?
She wasn't sure. She didn't know what really went through his mind.
Because he lied to her.
Once a person lies to you, you'll be cautious and anxious about the things they'll say.
I can handle the truth yet he doesn't say anything.
She cried silently trying to hold it in. She didn't have a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't even know if she deserves to be the one to cry.
She can't undo the mistakes. She couldn't gain his ''trust''.
He's hiding something. That thought has been on her mind for as long as she can remember.
She thought maybe he dislikes a part of her, she has a lot of imperfections and she's sure that there are really annoying sides of her that she doesn't know.
He wouldn't say anything about me. Does he think I'll be mad because he was honest?
She didn't know what to do anymore. She cried and cried. The tears and thoughts never stop. She was so confused.
With no one else to go to, she chatted with her online friend. She vented it all out, asking questions that didn't have a right answer in her mind.
Why do I keep hurting him?
Why is she so pretty?
Why is she so better?
Just why everything is so?
Her friend replied with kind and warm words. She couldn't help but cry more.
Warm tears fall down to her cold hands as the words remain in her mind.
She felt like she was accepted but what about others? or him?
With so many thoughts flooding, some thoughts started to blur and slowly disappeared, unable to remember them again.
Even with her friend's words and encouragement to talk to him again, she was still scared.
She wanted to talk to him so badly. She missed him so much.
But she told him before that she wouldn't bother him anymore because she knew she'd make his mood worse.
And it was because of her. That hurts.
She only had stopped chatting with him for a few hours stopping herself from bothering him even though she missed him.
She hated the fact she was needy.
What if he was talking to the girl she had been insecure about? She asked herself.
She hated that she was jealous about that too.
I always complain whenever but he doesn't complain. I shouldn't be complaining like him right?
Then something happened.
He said that she was sulking as if it were a daily routine.
It shattered her completely. Thoughts didn't hesitate to break back in.
She completely lost herself in this process that ''she was sulking''?
If only she knew that, maybe if he didn't do things that would make her turn out this way, but that's just how it goes now.
She apologized and said she'll try to be a better one.
But she won't deny that ''fights'' never happen most of the time they're together.
It hurts her that it does happen.
. . .
September 5, XXXX
She feels the coldness of him.
She was worried sick about what happened or what was going to happen.
The churn in her stomach. The bad feeling that twists her insides.
She tried brushing it off, playing it cool with him, but it only got colder.
Could this be the end?
Nothing ever lasts is something she wished she had known before she fell in love with him.
She loved every part of him and accepted it all together.
She turned a blind eye to him flirting with other girls.
She was there when he needed a shoulder to cry on.
She listened to everything he said.
She loved him.
She truly did.
But he wished that he'd never met her.
He never loved her since the beginning.
He only loved her out of pity.
They were never meant to be together.
It did no good than hurt each other.
They were too young for this.
It was for the better.
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no proofread.
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FanfictionA tree with petals that has their own stories. ཐི♡ཋྀ Would you read it? A petal that contains scenarios, fantasies, what-ifs, imagines, and a story to tell their own. You soon drift into your own mind, imagining yourself in their shoes.
