The fare of friendship

Chapter 1 // Difference

My alarm buzzes, but doesn't wake me. I've been awake for hours. Literally. My body screams at me, begging me to go to sleep each night, but my mind decides against it. Too many poisonous nightmares. The recollection of distasteful memories I should've let go of long ago. The sound of her words flooding my brain, demanding to torment me. Her as in Ruth Kearney, the only person who desires to kill me more than I desire to kill myself. As much as I hate to admit it, she is starting to wear me down. My point is proven by the half-healed scars on my wrists which are usually hidden by strapping tape. I don't know when I decided to do that to myself. When my self-confidence became that battered that I let a single girl -if she even deserves to be labeled human- break me. I can feel my eyes stinging at the thought of the words she's uttered. My throat aches, and I run my hand through my hair until it reaches the end, then decide on twisting it into a bun. Eventually, with much struggle, I get myself out of bed and prepare myself for today's dance competition. I know I'll see her there, it's inevitable. I know I'll have to speak to her, it's unavoidable. I also know she'll try and hurt me, not just mentally, but physically. It's inescapable. What I wasn't expecting, was who she would bring with her. He extended his hand, which was equally as soft as it was warm, and introduced himself as Theo. He smelt of sandalwood body wash, which was surprisingly pleasant. And, as much as I tried to contradict it, his face was also quite pleasant. He really was very attractive. His hair looked like it was nearly time to get a hair cut, but not in a way that made him look sloppy. Instead, it complemented his chestnut eyes almost as well as wine complements cheese. The only misfortune of the situation is that he is Ruth's boyfriend.

I don't believe in love at first sight. You need to get to know someone before you're sure. All I know is that I never get nervous before I dance, so that must not have been the reason I was so flustered today. It must not have been why I felt doubly insecure, if that's even possible. And it definitely must not be why I can't stop thinking about Theo. He makes all the difference.