By Loving the Killer

Call to Action

The sun shines on his headstone. I stand still, staring blankly, numbly, with my hands in my pockets. And then I'm on the ground, ripping my fingers through my hair and folding in on myself, screaming, wailing, blubbering into the grass growing over his grave. My stomach churns and I heave, but nothing comes up. I haven't eaten.

My throat is raw. I sink into the ground and bury my nails in the dirt, feeling the blades of grass cut into my cheek.

I'm shaken awake. My eyes flutter open to a gorgeous woman standing over me, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. His mom.

"How long have you been out here?" she asks, crouching down to wipe the dirt from my face.

I look above her brown hair at the darkening sky. "Too long." I push myself from the ground. Marlena brushes away the dust and stray grass from my arms.

"I can drive you home," she says.

I shake my head.

"Will you grab dinner with me?"

I stare at my dirty jeans and then nod. "Yeah."

I push my fries around on my plate with a fork. This is one of the few restaurants Marlena and I can visit—the rest we've both been to with Peter, and we can't bear the memories. I set my fork down and take a drink of my water.

"What have you been doing lately?" Marlena asks through a bite of steak.

I shake my head. "Nothing, really," I say. "Just school."

She nods. "You back in any clubs, yet?"

"No."

"You were student government at one point, yes?"

I nod and pick my fork back up, poking at my hamburger bun. "Yeah."

"President?"

"Mhm," I say. "President of student government, head of the dance committee. Vice President of NHS."

"So, you did a lot, then?"

I shake my head. "No. They aren't as big a responsibility as the school likes you to think."

ꙨꙨꙨꙨꙨꙨꙨꙨꙨ

"Student government meetiiiiiiiiing," Stacey drawls, twirling by me and grabbing my wrist to drag me to the teacher's lounge. I laugh and jog to match her pace. "This month's headline—Who Wins Homecoming King and Queen?"

Stacey bubbles with excitement and pulls me into the chair next to her.

"President, if you will," she says.

I nod and grab my folder from the table. "Okay, so first on the agenda, we need to vote on crowns for king and queen. I've narrowed it to three options each—" I pull a printout from the folder and pass it to Stacey— "and I need you all to put a tally by which one you like the best."

Stacey marks her choice and passes the paper through the small crowd.

"Also," I say, "we have to vote on the actual king and queen. Ballots were sent out to the classrooms yesterday and collected this morning, and our teachers have been kind enough to count them for us. We have our two finalists for both categories, so now we all have to vote for them."

I pull the final ballot from the folder and hand it to Stacey. "Same deal as the crowns," she tells everyone, marking her vote. Tiffany takes the ballot and does the same, then passes it down.

"Great," I clap when everyone has voted. "Meeting adjourned, the principal will announce king and queen at the pep rally on Friday."

Stacey drags me through the halls to the lunchroom. I see Peter walking to the bathroom.