"do not be afraid to feel, pain will go as easily as joy will come" -k. azizian
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❤️🩹chapter 10:accept me❤️🩹
My heart was beating fast. It felt like time has stopped for awhile, it feels like the world stopped spinning around. I hold my younger brother's hand, I feel it shaking as his grip is getting tighter with each step.
The light of the living room is right in front of us. My dad and the rest of the boys were just sitting peacefully watching tv. Langa took a deep breath, looked at me and nodded.
"Are you ready?", I whispered to him. Langa didn't gave me a proper answer, he just nods and let go off my hand.
I know there is no such thing as 'ready' in this types of situations, but I wanted to make sure my baby brother will be okay. I walk in the room after him and I saw my dad staring right at Langa.
Levi has this unintentional serious look, which can make a person feel a little bit intimidated by him. But he doesn't mean harm, he doesn't want his kids to feel bad. Langa began shaking even more and my dad noticed, so the old man just gave him a smile.
"Dad", Langa said with a shaky voice, all the confidence he had earlier left his body, "I have to tell you something", he announced.
"Go on, son", my dad said with a smile.
Dazai and Ace kept quiet. I don't know, if they know about Langa's feelings. My baby brother looks at me one last time, maybe he needed a little bit courage. I put my hand on Langa's shoulder and I let it rest there. I know you can do it, I thought to myself.
"I want you to listen to me first, because I want you to know the whole truth", Langa began saying, "and I want you to think about it".
"Okay", Levi simply said.
"Dad I....", the boy made a pause, "I..like boys, I'm...gay, dad", Langa finally said it.
The room got really silent. I look around and observe every expression on my family's faces as I wait for dad to speak. Dazai and Ace were still quiet, but not surprised. I guess they had a clue about this, but weren't fully aware.
Levi. I couldn't read his reaction. He was calm and collected, but quiet and unsure. It was like he just realised what was going on and is in search for the right words. I was so scared for his response. I knew that, if my dad doesn't react in a positive way..nothing will be the same, Langa won't be the same.
And then...a small smile appeared again on my father's face. It wasn't a smile of happiness, but there was this proudness on his face. It was saying: 'you finally got the courage'.
