Same

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by nerdleaf

by nerdleaf

Sanemi pov:

I woke up from a dream, it was the same recurring dream I had. A vision of my abusive father hurting my mother, the vision me continuously stabbing my own mother, who had become a demon and the vision of my younger brother Genya sobbing over my dead mother screaming out monster through his uncontrollable tears.
He was young.
He was scared.
He didn't understand.
The words were purely out of emotion.
But why did it hurt so much? Why did it burn so bad that our relationship had completely shattered?
Why?

I woke up, the sound of sorrow whimpering woke me up. It was quiet, almost inaudible, but still there. I sat up and looked around for the crying, which lead me to Tomioka. She had moved off my futon and was sleeping on the hard wooden floor. I presumed that she had felt uncomfortable and moved away, which is totally understandable, sleeping with another person can be very awkward especially with the opposite gender and I guessed she was whimpering was from the cold.

I quietly came closer to her, assuming she was asleep but no, she was awake.
Awake and crying quietly into her hands. Through the sobbs were words, no not words... names.
She kept on mumbling two peoples' names, presumably two women. It was hard to hear but their names were Tsutako and Makomo. She also kept on apologising. But to who? Did they fight? Or... I was confused and curious, maybe just a little too curious, because I made a mistake.

"Who's Tsutako and Makomo?" OH SHIT. I had said that out loud. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. The crying stopped. Giyuu slowly turned around with shock in her eyes.

"Sh-Shinazugawa?!"

We both just froze in place, until she just burst right into tears.

"I'm sorry f-for waking you- up-" she was apologizing again... for being sad and crying.

"WHY ARE YOU SORRY FOR HAVING EMOTIONS!!! YOU'RE A HUMAN!" she just looked at me tears still streaming down her face.

"BECAUSE I'M PATHETIC! I'M WEAK AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL MY SELF A HASHIRA! I'M A BRAT WHO ONLY RECEIVES BUT NEVER GIVES! THEY ALL DIED BECAUSE OF ME!" It was the first time she shouted, she was shocked her self.

"You're position as Hashira is from your hard work. You earned this position so don't go around thinking you're pathetic! I don't know who died for you, but I'm the same, I destroyed a relationship with my family and killed one too." I didn't know why I did it, but it felt right. It hurt to say it too.