As It Was

Chapter 2

I never understood why he did what he did...it really...changed me. Between him never admitting his love for me and turning me into...a monster, both internally from my broken heart and externally by becoming a disgusting creature...it changed me so much. He's known I've loved him since day one...when we first met and I kicked his face. Those were good times...but over time he pushed me away. I think his status was more important then spending time with me, someone who isn't Mori's pet, his right hand man, his lap dog. I don't think I ever lived up to his expectations of what he wants in a partner, if he ever wanted one that is. Which...is sad...because before he turned to this disgusting, selfish, powerful man...he lived up to every single one of my expectations.

  Chuya sat on the chase chair in Dazai's office. He blew out smoke to a cigarette with the window open next to him. Chuya watched the sun set over the horizon of Yokohama. He then stared at the cigarette in his hand. Chuya has his hat next to him on the chase and his shoes on the floor next to the chase. Dazai looked up at him.

  "Tell me...what exactly are we?" He asked and looked at Dazai. "Are...we in a relationship...are we friends with benefits...are we-"

  "Nothing." Dazai said closely as Chuya felt his heart shatter, but he didn't show it on his face. "We have flings, that's all." He said and looked down at his paper work. Dazai always questioned himself on why he's so harsh to Chuya when he asks him those questions. Chuya looked down at his lap.

  "Right...right." He looked up at Dazai. "I should have guessed that." He crushed the cigarette in his hand and watched the ashes and cigarette fall on the chair. Dazai watched and looked up at Chuya. "I should have guessed...right? I shouldn't have sat here and told myself that...maybe you'd love me this time." He looked up at Dazai. Dazai felt his heart shatter when he heard him say that. "I'm not doing these flings anymore." He grabbed his hat and put his shoes on. "Oh...and one more thing..." He looked at Dazai. "Don't think that because I said this...that you get to punish Akutagawa...because I will fucking kill you...and when I see you in hell...I'll do it over and over again for the rest of eternity and you will then be afraid to actually die."

  "Ha! That's highly unlikely." Dazai leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. "Interesting idea though..."

  "I'm serious when I tell you I made my peace with death. I already spoke to those I care about, unlike you who can't actually feel that emotion, and they already came to peace with my idea and accepted it." Chuya smirked. "The only person I am leaving here behind I do regret leaving...is in fact Akutagawa. But why should I worry? He will finally be free from your abusive hands since I'm dragging your ass down with me to Satan himself." Chuya looked at Dazai from head to toe. Dazai stared at him in shock. Chuya fixed his hat on his head. "Watch your back Osamu." Chuya walked out of Dazai's office. Dazai grabbed his clothes tight on his chest and looked down while panting.

  "Fucking Christ I know I fucked up ok! You don't have to remind me with this heart ache!" Dazai shed tears. "Why do I push him away from me!?"

Later that night, Akutagawa met Atsushi in the alley way wearing his regular Port Mafia attire so Atsushi knew it was him. Atsushi blushed and smiled at him.

  "Hey-"

  "Let's make this quick." Akutagawa said as he grabbed Atsushi's hand. Atsushi looked down at Akutagawa's tight hand on his wrist.

  "Oh! Are you in a rush?" Atsushi asked as Akutagawa stopped walking when they exited the alley and were on the side walk in public. Akutagawa faced him.

  "No...I'm not." He said and looked down. "Sorry." Akutagawa looked up at him. "I...didn't think you'd actually wait." He said as Atsushi looked at him confused.