To Whom I Write Of

To Who Brought Me My Past Pain

To Whom I Write Of,

You'll never know how many scars you gave me. You'll never know how I think of you every day. You'll never know how much you changed me. You'll never know the old me again, I've changed to much because of you. I don't even know who I am anymore. I only know who I used to me. I am only a mere reflection of the people I meet, due to what you did to me.

My closes friend, became my bully.
My trust, became your vengeance.
My words, became your puppet.
My life, was focused around you.

Not a day goes by when I don't think of you. Not a day goes by when those scars you gave me don't hurt.

You took my tears.
My hopes
My dreams
My sanity
My humanity
My innocence
My desire
My time

So many tears have been over you, and you probably live your life just fine everyday like nothing ever happened.

You'll never know how much you impacted my life. You probably think I was just another lost friend in your journey to popularity.

You'll never know your where my depression started. My endless hole you dug for me that I gladly jumped into.
My wanting for a friend lead me to you.

The biggest memory I have of you, is that one day we where sitting under our tree. It was a beautiful day, and I was the happiest I ever remember myself being.

We both saw the evil in betrayal of friendship around us, so asked me to make you a promise. A promise that I'll always be your friend, that I'd never become one of them.

I promised, as long as you did.

You breaking that promise hurt me more then you'd ever imagine.

Seeing my best friend become my bully hurt me. If cry in the mirror for hours upon hours, wondering how I changed. It wasn't me though, it was you.

I wasn't enough for you, you needed to feel popular, a new feeling you developed.

I attach myself to one friend, and one friend only. I hate that about myself. Once you broke that attachment I made, it ruined me for life.

I let myself go, I stopped caring how I looked. I locked myself away in a room. I became someone we once feared.

We know walk separate paths. One that will never cross again.

I remember that day on the hill.

When you where crying over a friend. When your new friend left you.

I remember how happy I felt, how you got to feel it, but apart of me still hung onto that promise we made. I was planning on keeping my end of our deal.

I let you cry on my shoulder, you continued to act the way you did. I showed you compassion.

One day I broke though, seeing you make up with your new friend. I thought I had you back, but no, you only slipped farther from my reach.

I started to treat you like I treat the other bullies, when I treated you like that I saw that look in your eye, the same one I'd get.

I remember everything. I remember it everyday.

I remember the principles office, how you where so concerned about what I said to you.

I said the truth though.

You just heard it wrong.

I couldn't admit it until know, but it's true what I said. I said "It would be easier if I just died and left this equation" you heard it as "It would be easier if you died and left this equation"

I remember all those smiles you gave me, know they're just more scars on my back.

After all of this venting, I also want to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me a reason to appreciate my good friends.

Thank you for giving me the knowledge that all bullies have their reasons inside.

Thank you for making me realize that not all my life needs to be spent with friends, I learned that from those days is hid from you in the library, my second home at the time.

Thank you for teaching me not to love quickly or your heart will be shattered. I learned that from you and Kyle.

Thank you for teaching me to appreciate a real smile.

Thank you for showing me that everyone changes for the better or the worst. That we must adjust as needed.

Thank you for making it that I'll never become like you, so desperate for a friend that they'd go to there bully for a friend.

And most of all, thank you. Thank you for showing me that when your looking for a friend, sometimes you just need to stop and look towards a smiling face.

You should of done that yourself.

If you didn't do the things you did I would be the girl I am today.

Thank You, for everything.

I hope you can forgive me for breaking my half of the promise. I'm work everyday to make sure I don't break that silent promise with others.

I just want you to know one thing,

I forgive you.

No matter how much pain it still brings me everyday, I still forgive you.

You never intended to hurt me like you did, the same way I never meant to hurt you.

If only we talked more, then we both would of understood better.

It was nice knowing the old you.

I still have that picture of the old you on my mirror, to remind me that the past is behind me.

If only you could really read this.

If you really read this I think I could finally live in peace, but alas these words are just going to stay here. Waiting to see if maybe one day you will read them.

Your Forever Friend,

Maddy.