To Whomever,
Because I refuse to accept it.
Your the doubt in my head, the one that second guesses myself. The one that speaks evil into my ear when I'm weak. Your the one that hurts me the most.
I refuse to think this feeling is mine, I refuse to think this as an original thought. You told me this, you made me this. Yet, I can't hate it, but I can't embrace it. It's just there. You're the only one that makes me feel it, and I hate it. You're the only one that makes me feel it, but I love it.
Your words impact my heart and make me second guess my morals. I've given so much up just to not hate the thought, so much that I can't recognize myself. Who have I become?
My words to you are hypocritical. I tell you to leave when the hope is gone, but yet I've waited for so long and I don't feel any closer to you. I tell you that someone is coming, yet they're already here.
You're the voice in my head when I'm in doubt. You're the motivation in my anger, and the fuel to my sadness. You're the light in my sun, and my lost eyes gaze.
I feel lost, I'm lost in this ever lasting loop that I know will never go anywhere. Why is it that I do this to myself? It's not your fault, I force myself through this.
My heart cries and breaks at your pain, and my eyes cry rivers at your simple words that hold so much meaning to me. When you hurt,
I feel ten times worse.
You are the doubt in my head, the lost cause in my heart, and the motivation for my emotions. Nothing I do, nothing I say, nothing I think doesn't result in the thought of you. I'm a lost cause, a lost feeling, a lost heart.
I don't know what to do anymore. I struggle, I fall, and then I get back up. There doesn't have to be a struggle, but yet it's my fault.
Why do you have to be so, you?
I guess I can say I'm truly yours,
Maddy
But I know I'm not.
YOU ARE READING
To Whom I Write Of
RandomDear Reader, Unless you think that I might have a reason to write to you, this isn't intended for you. This is just my way of venting to certain people. Like if I always wanted to tell you something, but I never could, I'd just write it in here. I...
