may 16, 2015: 2:50 PM
plans change; they really do
My grandma likes to go and visit my aunt and my cousin almost all the weekends she gets.
Somehow she can't go alone and me being the girl I am I need to go with and leave my uncle and brother at home where they either play Quake, Minecraft, or watch a movie.
Today there was a film festival at school. Frontera Film Festival. I never went to one last year; I wanted to go to this one. A big part of me is movies and I actually hope to make one some day.
Today my friends were going to be there. One had a movie she was part of; I was excited. I was in a movie that had the opportunity to be in the film festival.
Today one of my other friends invited me to go to Dairy Queen and hangout.
Today I was going to work on chapter 3 of Chilled in my cold bedroom on my comfy bed with my phone.
Today I was going to work on my research paper that was due...I forgot but a long time ago. I was going to work on it, honestly.
Today I had my whole day planned out.
Until yesterday when my grandma was driving me to my NHS induction ceremony and she told me we were going to visit them.
So basically let's everything I wanted is a piece of paper. That piece of paper just got crumpled up thrown in a trash can and lit on fire just for kicks.
I always feel bad when my plans change, when everything I made up in my mind decides to change on me. But the real problem is my grandma is keeping me from being social.
I could easily describe myself as antisocial, a shut-in, hikikomori, and might as well be agoraphobic.
I had the chance to be more social, to be more "out-there", to be more "with the people".
I need that.
But now I am in my aunt's house using the only "pro", her computer. And at five-thirty I have to go and watch my cousin play basketball.
I hate sports. Like every little single thing about it.
Why does my grandma have to come here all the time?
Last week was worse.
I didn't have a lot of things to do like today. But the problem is that we never left.
First I had told my friends I was gonna go to the lake and hangout then like always my grandma told me we were gonna go to over there and then I told my friends I wasn't going and when I told my grandma when we were gonna go, she said nah (well i'm paraphrasing that).
So that day I ended up doing...nothing.
I hate plans being changed.
I hate this headache I have right now.
I hate life.
Goodbye.
~antisocial anna with agoraphobia
