𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄

IX

- HARRY POTTER -

The next few days were a blur. I'll never forget the looks i got, the petty whispers from friend to friend. Constantly aware that none of them actually care. They didn't, they just lived for the story. I feel as though i'm crumbling under the pressure put upon me. Faced with the ever present 'i never wanted this' plaguing me.

The Hufflepuffs think i did it to spite Cedric, because my massive ego wouldn't let anyone else get a chance in the spotlight.

The Ravenclaws are unsatisfied with the question of why? I see them enquiring about me, the thought killing them.

The Slytherins are either indifferent, as always, or think its a power play? As if the 'nepotism' of my dead parents isn't enough for them.

And the Gryffidors...
My own fucking "family", are convinced I've betrayed them. Each and every one think I've lied and cheated and concocted a miraculous plan for money and fame. Even Ron, now that lad gets the award for the best fucking friend of the century! Millennium maybe, casting me aside before my 'excuses' left my mouth. He didn't want to hear them, none of them did.

And that just leaves me, and now Pansy.
Alone in her company.

As i glance at her across the library, almost empty, a table apart yet too close. Quiet glances shared. Merlin how i wish we could sit together, less stolen moments, less secrecy. More time together, more peace of mind.

The things i dream of, the openness i've always thought of. With her, my Pansy. Girl of my dreams, all i could ever hope for. Right there yet a table away. And shes here for me. Even when others scowl in my direction, for the person they once chanted for. My my, The Fickleness of public opinion.

But part of me wants it back.
Actually wants to have the attention.

But deep inside, i think i'd like the radio silence. Not having to bare the looks, because who would look? I'd do anything, be anyone but myself.

I don't let myself think on it for too long. My life is already spread on the tabloids, my eyes haunted by the ghosts of my parents as Rita would say. Im already committed, even if i never wanted anything to do with any of it. I was since the day i was painstakingly brought into this fuck-up of a world.

I try to focus on my runes homework. But her presence is entirely suffocating, in a good way. In the best way.

Fuck it.
I'm going over. No ones bloody here anyway, and so what if i want to talk to the girl i like? Is that so fucking bad?

You'll be labeled a traitor, more than before...

They'll outcast you... is that what you want?. .

A voice, not unlike the sorting hat, echoes in my mind.

You'll get the attention, yes, but not the usual kind. They'll think your corrupted

Corrupted eh? Sounds perfect. I think as i stand, and openly walk the few metres to Pans, surprising her with a smirk.

"What are you doing?" She mouths, a grin to match my own.

"Im tired of waiting, tired of hiding. I wanna be me, not what they chose me to be" i tell her, wearing my heart on my sleeve. "So, im going to sit here."

I try to keep my face straight, almost demanding. But i'm sure my anxiously fast thoughts are easy to see through the mask.

"Oh you are, are you?"
"Yes?"
"Then sit Potter, and tell me what you think about this blasted essay." She smiles up at me, and i nod. Relaxed, finally.
" I've been working on it for a week and i just can't figure out whats missing"