𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤 Imagines 💐

golden

meaning: being open and vulnerable while recovering from a heart break

Chris pov

        I think I'm having a panic attack.
        "Breathe, Chris," Matt said warmly, his hands on my knees at an attempt to ground me.
         I felt both of my brothers presence but I couldn't see them. My breathing was rapid and uneven and all I could think about was Y/n.
          I'd just kissed my best friend.
        "What happened?" Nick asked once I'd calmed down, giving me an iced tea.
         I just shook my head, looking at the ground. I wasn't embarrassed, I was in shock really. What got me to this place? The constant thoughts of losing the person I thought of as another home racing through my head. It's happening again.
        Matt and Nick looked at each other. I could see it and I could see they were judging me. I abruptly got up and went to my room, accidentally slamming the door. I needed to be alone and I needed to think.

Nick's feet smell 👟

Bernard 👺- Chris are you okay?

Chris- Ya just need some time alone

No pov

        Nick and Matt looked at each other. They hadn't witnessed Chris have a full blown panic attack since freshman year before a hockey game. And he quit the next year.
        "Maybe we should just go check on him?" Nick suggested purely out of worry for his brother.
        "No, if he wants to be alone he must mean it." Matt stated. He'd suffered from anxiety his whole life and could tell this was an issue that Chris wasn't going to share easily.
        And he was right. Chris was up in his room trying to distract himself by playing video games. And it was working somewhat, but he felt guilt in his stomach.
        It just happened. They were in his room, they got close, and they kissed. Shame on them, they were two stupid teenagers. Why was Chris stressing?
        It was happening again and there was nothing he could do about it.

Y/n pov

I realized quickly that I'd forgotten my Apple Watch at the triplets' place. It didn't matter that much but it was a pretty Penny. So I got back into my car and headed over, shooting Nick a text.
Once I got to the door I opened it, knowing the combination. I was surprised to see no one in the kitchen but smiled when I saw Nick and Matt watching tv in the living room.
"Hey guys," I said to announce my presence, not wanting to accidentally scare them.
"Y/n!" Matt grinned, sitting up.
"Do you know where your watch is?" Nick asked as he pulled his blanket up more.
"Hey Matt," I chuckled then nodded. "Yup, it should be in Chris' room." I smiled then headed over. I knocked on the door and waited for a response but there wasn't one. I slowly opened the door to see Chris asleep on the bed.
I smiled softly then grabbed my Apple Watch off of his desk with his computer.
Chris slowly opened his eyes but quickly sat up when he saw someone else in the room.
"Hey hey," I said softly, sitting on his bed. "It's just me, sorry I forgot my watch," I held it up.
But that didn't seem to calm him down.
I curiously tilted my head, wondering why he looked so surprised to see me.
"You alright...?" I asked slowly.
"I'm so sorry we kissed," Chris said suddenly.
My smile faded a bit. The past afternoon had been amazing. I've liked Chris for a while but I didn't mind just being friends with him. When we kissed it was like a dream, and here he was apologizing.
"You don't have to be sorry," I said slowly. "I'm actually really glad-"
"Stop," He interrupted, rubbing his eyes. His hair fell messily as he sat up. "How do you do it?"
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, wondering what he meant.
"You went and got your heart broken, and, and you're just back kissing guys," Chris said quickly and angrily.
          Was he mad at me?
"Because...life moves on," I said, a bit offended. "If you're trying to imply that I just go around-"
"I know you don't. I'm sorry." Chris huffed, getting frustrated with himself.
I quickly realized what was happening and felt a lump in my throat. He's scared. He's scared of getting heartbroken and he's scared of what happened with his ex.
I moved to sit next to him but made sure to give him space in case he was overwhelmed.
"I didn't date for a while," I began, seeing him look over at me. "But after about a year I realized that if I didn't let myself fall for others then I was letting one bad relationship ruin other possibly amazing future ones." I smiled reassuringly.
Chris listened intently, his eyes looking into mine.
"But Y/n, what if I fuck everything up because I'm scared?" He started.
"Chris you can't 'what if' about this. Think in the moment. In this moment you're not in a relationship, and you have nothing to fuck up." I reasoned.
"I know but I just worry. We kissed and I don't regret it." Chris said biting his lip.
"I don't regret it either, but that doesn't mean we need to get into a relationship or anything. I'll be here for you when you're ready to be open" I rested my head against his headboard and looked at him.
Chris smiled at me, looking more relaxed.
"I don't wanna be alone," He whispered.
           "You'll never be alone, Chris," I whispered back, resting my head on him.

Edited! :) I am respectfully a Matt girly so let me know if you have any suggestions at any point during this book. Reminder: this is how I interpreted this song!!

-vic