Marvel [oneshots].

i hate this body [W.M]

Reader has severe gender and body dysphoria. They become very distant, stop talking to people, and wear baggy clothes that don't frame their body.
Wanda gets worried because Reader doesn't talk to her as much and decided to talk to them.
Reader is AFAB (assigned female at birth).
Warnings: gender and body dysphoria, self loathing, bad mental health, mental breakdown.

Your age: 19
Wanda's age: 19
Word count: 1232

__________

You stood infront of the mirror.
You wore a bra and shorts. You hated everything you saw. Your curves, your boobs, your long hair, your feminine face. everything reminded you of what you are.

A women.

You couldn't bare it anymore. You couldn't look at yourself anymore. You punched the mirror and slowly slid to the floor.
You started breaking down.

You were so tired of always putting on a smile even though you were dying inside.

You were so tired of always masking what you truly feel.

You were so tired of always hiding who you truly are.

__________

Wanda has been very worried about you lately. You were distant and quiet, you didn't want to be near people. you didn't want her to see your body and you didn't want to have sex with her, which was concerning. it was very unlike you to behave like that.

She walked through the hallways of the tower and wondered to herself if she did something.
She thought maybe she said or did something that upset you. She thought that maybe you didn't love her anymore.
And that scared her.

And so, she went to the only other person in the tower that she could talk to openly with and seek advice from.

Wanda knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
"Come in!" The older women said from inside.
Wanda stepped in and closed the door behind her.

"Nat I need help" wanda said and sat on the bed.
Natasha stood from her chair neer her desk and walked over to Wanda. She sat on the bed next to her and put her hand on Wanda's back.

Wanda's head was in her hands and her back was arched forward. Her hair framed her face as she started quietly sobbing.

"What's wrong kid?" Natasha asked.
"I'm worried about y/n" wanda said with a trembling voice.
"Well have you thought about talking to her?" Natasha asked.
"No, not yet. But she's been acting weird lately." Wanda replied.
"Weird how?" Asked the redhead.
"Well, she's been very distant lately and she rarely speaks to me anymore. She doesn't want me to see her body or do 'it' with me." The brunette said and sighed in frustration.
"And i can't help it but think that, maybe I did something? Maybe she doesn't love me anymore?"

Wanda started sobbing at the thought that you might not love her anymore. You were the most important person in her life. You were always there for her ever since you met. The thought of losing you too was too much for her.

"I think you should talk to her. If there's no communication your relationship is dead." Natasha said and stroked younger women's hair.
Wanda hugged Natasha.
"Thanks Nat" she said.
Natasha smiled at her said "no problem"

Wanda walked to your room with the intention of finding out whats wrong. She wanted, no, scratch that, needed to know what's going on.

__________

Wanda knocked on your door and called out your name.
No answer. 'She's probably asleep' she thought and slightly opened the door.
She saw your room empty so she decided to check the bathroom.

"Y/n?" She knocked on the bathroom door.
Again no answer. She tried opening it but it was locked.
She started frantically knocking and calling out your name.

Eventually she decided to just break down the door. 'Fuck it' she thought.
Wanda broke down the door and was horrified.

She saw the floor littered with glass and your left hand bleeding. There were little cuts on your face and your arms.

"Oh my god! Y/n what happened??" She asked, still in shock.
You cried hysterically.
"I hate it! I hate this body" you said as you continued crying and shaking.

Wanda was trying to process whag she's seeing and was having a hard time forming a sentence.

Without thinking twice, she took you in her arms and kissed your head.
"Do you want to tell me more about it?" Wanda asked, still holding you.
You nodded and sniffed your nose.
"Go on love" she smiled at you.
You took a deep shaking breath.

"I've been feeling so frustrated with myself. every little thing pisses me off, non of my clothes fit me in a way that doesn't make me feel dysphoric, I get so much gender envy, and everytime I need to shower or change I have to close my eyes so I wouldn't see my body and the way it's so feminine.
I hate my boobs. I hate my curves. I hate the fact I'm referred to as a girl. I hate the way that everytime I get my period it reminds me of what I am, a 'woman'.
I hate the way my mind works and I can't trust it. Everyday I get more and more tired of living. My hobbies that used to bring me joy just feel like tedious tasks.
And it never ends. When will it end, Wanda? When??" You finished with your voice shaking. Your eyes threatened to pour out tears again.

She looked at you with endless love in her eyes. "My darling why didn't you tell me?" She asked.
"I dunno I thought it would go away.." you looked away. She turned your head back twords her.
"Honey we're going to find you help. We're gonna find you a therapist, and we're gonna find you a doctor that can help you. Your not dealing with this alone. Understand?" You nodded and she took you in her arms again.

"So I was thinking, maybe instead of using she/her pronouns I can start using they/them? Maybe it'll help me.." you suggested.
"Sure thing my love, whatever makes you happy" she kissed your lips briefly as her eyes darted over to your bloody hand and face.

"We should clean that up" she said.
"Yeah.."
"Com'on let's go to my bathroom, it's cleaner and we can treat your cuts." She helped you up from the floor.
She slightly pulled your arm as she led you away.

You got to her room and went into the bathroom.
You hopped onto the counter as she searched through the cabinets for the first aid kit.
When she found it she started with cleaning all the blood from your arms so she could see the actual wound.

With tweezers, she carefully took out all the glass shards. She praised you from time to time and kissed your cheek when you flinched while whispering reassuring words in your ear.

Eventually, it was all out. She wrapped it with a band aid and said, "ya know, maybe you should go to the medbay to check it out anyway. My medical abilities can only go so much after all." She said and giggled.

You smiled at her laugh and nodded.
You went to the medbay with her and after that she cuddled you in bed while you watched trash reality shows.