Minutes passed by slowly as Kier lay still in bed alone, staring at the ceiling remembering what Dev had said.
He closed his eyes and for a second he really thought that he was about to get some sleep. It had been like this for hours now and he was getting fed up.
He wanted his sleep, he needed it even. After all he hadn't slept in almost 4 days.
A few days with the not so restful days and nights had come from his lack of ability to not focus on his best friend. He had Dev on his mind 24/7, during recordings, when he was cooking dinner, breakfast, and lunch, and hell, even when he took showers.
Though he got flustered when he thought about those thoughts for too long, then a long road of shame when he thought about Dev coming into the shower and fucking him like there's no tomorrow.
At first he was in denial about even loving his friend like that. He knew what Dev could say, what he would say if he ever told him that he likes him. Dev just jokes around with that stuff, he would brush it off his shoulders and not say anything about it the next time they talked. If they ever talked again is what Kier always found himself thinking back to.
What if Dev makes fun of me?
The jokes are enough to deal with, but Dev initiating them are the hardest part. Kier always denies that they're together but deep down inside, he really wants everyone to ship them even more than they already do.
But when Kier initiates the jokes, Dev gets cold with him, letting him know after the recording to be careful with what he says because "you know how the viewers are."
Kier doesn't mind this behavior though, it doesn't really phase him. What phases him is the jokes that Dev makes. Dev is unintentionally making jokes that sort of hurt Kier or make him think some kind of way. Some are like "you definitely are crushing on me." When Dev says this, Kier is flustered then embarassed but of course he can't say anything ofther that "stop" or "fuck off."
He doesn't want to seem rude in any way, then Dev would go on and pout in a baby voice and say some stuff like "you don't love me anymore."
One day, today, Kier had enough. He texted Dev to meet up with him at their local park. This was where he told Dev everything, and this is why he is laying in bed, cold, with no warmth of closure or satisfaction coating his body nor mind.
His stomach was churning in fear and sadness, and somewhat nausea. He felt sick from the reaction he got. Dev just looked at him, the death glare is what Kier would call it. Dev said that he needs space and that he really shouldn't have admitted everything. When Kier stared at him, Dev again said, he needed space away from Kier. When Kier asked what the answer was, Dev half cut him off and stunted Kier's thinking.
"No, my answer is no, I'm sorry."
Kier's eyes filled with tears. He said a simple okay and decided to head home, not letting a single tear pierce the ground nor his chin.
And the worst part of it was he left Dev in the park.
As he was walking away, he could feel Dev's glare in the back of his neck as he left the parks entrance and began to walk home instead of driving back home with him.
The silence would be too penetrating and and besides, he knew Dev wasn't going to say anything.
The words echoed in his mind, he definitely wouldn't be seeing Dev for a while. Just the thought made his eyes water and his heart break into a thousand more little pieces than it already has.
He hid from the feeling by placing his face in his hands. He had subconsciously sat up. Kier dragged his hands down from his face and sighed in relief as he felt the feeling slowly drift away from his mind.
He got up and walked to the kitchen, he grabbed a glass from the strainer and filled it with water. He started to sip it and slowly it started to go down.
He stared at the glass when he finished and walked to the sink to set it in. Before he did, he heard a knock at the door.
It was 2:00 in the morning, who the fuck would even be at someone's house this late if your weren't sleeping over?
He sat the cup down and walked up to the front door, for a second he hesitated opening the door, maybe it was someone bad?
But when he opened the door, all he saw was...nothing.
"What?" He whispered under his breath. He then looked down and was met with a box, brown and about the size of his hand, both in width and in height.
He leaned down and picked it up. He shook it, no sound came from it. He glaced around so he could get a better understanding if anyone was out there but nothing. He looked back down at the box and decided to take it in.
He brought it to the table and got a knife to cut the small pieces of tape bounding both top sides of the box to the main part. He cut it gently, giving room for his hand to move freely against the box so he could open it.
Once he opened it, there was a large-ish note. It read,
Hey Kier, this is Dev, I'm sorry for my reaction. I just didn't know how to respond, I was a huge dick but now I realize that I should've said that I just need time to think, not say that we need to be apart for a while. So I'm sorry. And if you're wondering why I'm talking to you like this, it's because I've already checked if you had blocked my number. You did but I don't blame you for getting sad or upset about the harsh treatment.
Also, I just had to talk to you because I couldn't go to bed after that and I just kept staring at my cieling like an idiot thinking about how rough I had been. And I know it's late because the time I'm writing would be 1:23am but when you wake up and see this, if that is, can you drive over to my house, you don't have to. I just think we need to talk in person. Ya' know?
Again, I'm sorry. Hopefully we can talk about this in the morning and we can settle it because I really need to tell you something.
Bye, love you
Kier sighed in relief, at least Dev wasn't mad at him. That's a plus.
But what was it that Dev wanted to talk to him about? Well, he would find out in the morning, but for now, at least he could get some sleep before meeting Dev once again with the new found closure.
