l'amour de ma vie - the love of my life
soooooooo on a completely different note then my last entry that was two seconds ago, i have ALSO been having the infamous trouble named ✨boy troubles✨
now i wouldnt call it so much of a trouble more that its troubling to me. in my forst entry i talked about "said classmate" yea we don't give a shit about that anymore. that was doomed from the start and i was dumb for ever thinking otherwise, poor little me was just starting to figure out romance and didn't know what she was thinking. anyways now, i dont know what to do about these two boys well call them isaiah and jake
now, jake is well not the same age as me and while i wouldn't be "catching a case" per say theres a "if the grades dont touch neither should you thing" thats not really bothering me but it makes me self concious also because hes older than me, i will not shoot my shot, not that i would even if he was the same age as me but thats besides the point, my family knows and likes him its just UGH idk
then we have isaiah, isaiah is well a family friend? we've known each other since we were two and like when we were little we liked each other but like we don't see each other as often anymore and so i don't thinl he feels the same and UGH again i. dont. knowwww. this is so dumb i wish you were just given a slip of paper that says "this is who youre supposed to be with: *insert name here* go live ur life then meet up with them when ur 25" like how east would life be knowing when you meet guys, he's not my "match" no need to worry abput my appearance or what i say or ANY of that becasue ur SUPPOSED to be with this one person.
i am also terrified of rejection so the whole 'going up to someone and asking for their number' thing is not for me, but heres the thing I WANT THAT but i will do nothing about it so im stuck in between, "ugh i want that so bad" and "wait then id actually have to risk rejection a couple of times..." and then im like "WHY AM I SINGLE" and then i remember "oh rsd ✨thats why✨"
anyways thanks for listening to my rants, my greatest hope is that one day someone sees these and realizes that they're not alone in their feelings which is why i try nto to filter my stuff and barely read back over it before i publish
<3
