Where I come from

Doing Wrong

What am I doing wrong? Why do I have to go through so much in my life? Since the day I was born I've gone through so much that I'm just about done with everything. Like can someone just come and kill me? I can't handle it anymore. I'm ready to end it all. Not like anybody even cares. Sometimes I wish I wasn't even born or in this world right now. The only reason why I'm still here is cause of my 7 months old. Otherwise I would've ended it a long time ago. But at the same time I just want someone to kill me. In my mind I'm constantly asking someone to hit me when I'm driving. I dream about me ending my life and finally being happy. Faking all this happiness is harder then people realize. I hide these suicidal thoughts behind anger, happiness, sadness. All of these extra feelings are nothing but fake. While what I'm writing now is what I truly feel deep down inside. I've felt this way for several years now. Just nobody has ever cared enough to look deep enough to know. Doctors tried to put me on pills, I was forced to go to counseling. But neither are helping. They're just making it worse. I'm awake at 2:22 in the morning typing this. I can't sleep with all these thoughts in my mind. There's a song I listen too. It's called, "you don't know." It's about giving up and just letting go. That's what I want to do, but it seems I'm stuck in this world for a little while longer. I been barely eating for a reason. Hoping the lack of eating will end it all for me. I hate myself, I was a mistake the minute I was born. Someone help me please.