Ocean of Memories

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I ran along the deck, sobbing uncontrollably. The truth about myself was that I hated myself, and I had hated myself for a very long time. There was no one to stop me. No one who cared, or even noticed.

I can't tell you how many people I rushed by, who just held a hand to their lips and scoffed. None of them cared to realize that I was crying. None of them ran after me. The truth was, I was utterly alone in this place. I was dying inside, and I mind as well die on the outside too.

I rather ran into a metal pole that hinged a gate shut, boarding off bystanders from the back of the boat. Fingers shaking, I fumbled with the clasp until it came undone. Pushing my way through, I cast a furtive glance back at the ship, and pushed on ahead.

Each step seemed to be a myriad of memories, swirling from my mind as if I were under a spell. I wondered if Father could see me, and if so, would he care? I hardly believed in love anymore.

What was the point of living if you had no love?

No point at all.

My breath hitched in an occasional sob as I stared out at the black water. I lowered myself to the other side of the ships railing. This was it. This was the place. I was ready to let go. Ready to give up. To fall off this tightrope.

Suddenly a voice crashed through my misery and sent light radiating through me. "Don't do it."

I glanced back to see a middle-aged man, not much older than me, standing with one arm slightly raised. It was a pathetic figure, but oddly comforting. It had truth, but no logic. "Why?" I spat out. "Give me one good reason."

The man didn't even hesitate. "You're worth it. Everyone is."

My eyes stopped spinning around in my head for a moment. "What?"

The man shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "You know. Everyone's beautiful. It's society that isn't."

I gave a little scoff, although it was a half sob. "What would you know about that? You're crazy." Maybe I was more trying to convince myself that he was crazy, and not him.

Carelessly he tossed a cigarette over the rail. "Yeah, well, that's what they all say." He paused, and then added, "But I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship here, am I?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Come on. Give my your hand." Snaking his arm around me, he held it out fearlessly.

"No," I replied. "Leave me alone! You're distracting me!"

He laughed again, "Exactly my point!" He paused, and then his voice grew serious. "Come on. You don't want to do this."

I stared down at his hand. He was right, in a way. Hesitating for only a moment, I grabbed his hand tightly. Turning me around to face him, he winked. God. That smile. "I'm Jack Dawson."

"R-Rose DeWitt Bukater."

"I'm gonna hafta have you write that one down for me."

I laughed, and he helped me over the railing. "You sure you okay?" He asked once I was safe.

I looked into his eyes and tried to lie my way out of it like I usually did. But something stopped me. It wasn't a conscience related thing at all, it was more something in his eyes. Something that made me feel like at long last, here was someone who understood. Here was someone who didn't care if I was perfect or not.

So that's why I told him the simple truth. "No," I whispered.

He nodded. "No one said you had to be okay all the time, love," he said in a low voice. I studied his face. Love. That sounded so nice.

"I know, but I can't be myself around anyone anymore-" My voice was growing more and more loud, and suddenly Jack grabbed my hand. "Look!" I wheeled on him, about to mock him for interrupting me, but in that moment, I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

The moon reflected evenly across the short choppy waves, and it was so bright and beautiful I wondered how I had missed it. It was so full and gorgeous. Jack looked back at me and smiled. "Now, what were you saying?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," I whispered. Pushing my way to the railing, my eyes stayed fixed on the moon.

"Told you," he said joyously, and then he laughed. I don't know how long I stood, watching the moon. Maybe I was tired or hallucinating, but there was something about it. Something that made me want more.

Exactly how I felt about-

"Jack?" I turned around, brushing a stray piece of hair out of my face.

But my guardian angel was no where to be seen.