Çilekler~Strawberries|| A Bala Hatun Story

Chapter 3

 Ahmet... I think to myself no, no way. He sits tall on his horse, hand placed on his heart as everyone gives him salam. He hops off his horse and approaches Osman and kisses his hand. I could see how confused he is when he sees the family, well obviously because I'm not there, and I'm sure he didn't know about Malhun Orhan and Fatima. " Osman Bey, Wheres is Bala Ana?" He still calls me ana, I love it. Malhuns face sruches  "Ana?" Osman gives her a look, my time to shine. " Ahmet'm?"  He turns his face enlightened. He runs grabs my hand gives it a kiss then quickly gives me a hug, Ugh he's so big so tall makes me feel so old, a tear comes to my eye. I slightly open them I can see Malhun whisper to Osman probably wondering if Ahment is actually my son. I wish. He breaks our hug. I place my hand on his face which used to be so small now has a grubby beard. " Bala Ana.. who that hatun next to your man?" I chuckle, "I'll tell you later Ahmet, ok?" He nods.

Sometime later Ahmet is playing with the younger tribe children. I'm just fixing up my room. Then Osman comes in. My back it to the door so I didn't know it was him. I figured it was Fatima coming in for me to do her hair, I love to do children's hair, but Mulhun isn't so good at it. "Ha, Fatima what hairstyle do you want today?" " I think my hair is too short" Osman? I stop what I'm doing and slowly turn around. He comes close and gives me a hug. I'm stunned. " I'm sorry Bala'm" I slowly wrap my arms around him, but I don't speak. " I should've been there for you, I threw you away so quickly, but I was blinded by anger, so much was going on but still that isn't an excuse you lost a child and you needed me and I wasn't there" I pull away, and I lay my hands on his face, his eyes his dark chocolate eyes filled with tears, I remember when I first laid mine on his. I am also crying I was the whole time.  I feel comfort but also pain, it still hurts those painful days. Having a stillborn is not easy to get over. I wipe his tears. I get close to his ear and whisper, "You are here now" I then give him a kiss on the cheek. He pulls me in for another hug. It felt like we hug for days. 

The night is here we had our dinner and I'm cleaning up, Malhun is also. "Bala... Ahmet?... is he really your son?" " No, he isn't, his parents died when he was young but I was also there for him, I was like a mother to him. Giving why he calls me Ana. " Oh I see, but.. he's older now is it still appropriate?" "Osman called Selcan Ana, mother when Halime wasn't there for him...tell me what the problem was there, or Bamsi Bey, he called Ertugrul Bey's mother Ana" She was quiet, I didn't mean to put her in her place but, me who lost a baby to have the comfort of someone you raised call you mother feels amazing. "Your right."

Tonight is my night with Osman but now that Malhun is pregnant I think he would want to stay with her. I'm not tired yet so I grab a small blanket robe thing and I head out for a walk. After I'm done circling the tribe I sit on the porch of our tent. I gather my thoughts, I look at the moon. I remember that this is the same moon that our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) looked at. Tears fill my eyes. I'm so stressed, so mentally tired, so alone, No Selcan, No Aygul No Gonca, Alone, I'm not ready for Malhun, shes kinda the problem but I don't hate her, I love her but I'm not gon tell her how hard it was when she came here its already been so long. YEARS even and  I really don't like it when I cry in front of Osman about my pains. Most of them are from him, but he doesn't mean it,  just being a wife of Bey is a lot. I needed this breather. I head back inside. Get ready for bed. I read some Qur'an. Then drift off to my dreams...

WHOA, what a story right so much emotion, sorry I took so long so busy w life. Sooooo what do guys think TELL ME!!