Hate it or love it - Central Cee

17

ALIA FERRARI

he called, he did. But I was too coward to answer it. I don't want to go trough pain again. I really try to act as if nothing happened but my mum knows me very well, is imposible to hide it from her.

The worst part is that even though we were nothing, my feelings for him were more bigger than im scared to admit. God, i wish i had never went to that party, i really do.

i sit in front of the mirror brushing ny hair trying to make it look as decent as possible as mami was planning to take me to the farmers market to buy some stuff to cook for dinner. I really appreciate my mum so much she has been very helpful and supportive whitout asking any questions and i absolutely wlove her for that.

when i'm all done i put it in a low ponytail and i grab my phone from the desk, making my way downstairs. ''ma i'm ready! i say taking the car keys from the counter, i look around trying to find her but she's nowhere to be seen. 'ma, where are you! still not hearing a response from here, so i decided to go outside to check maybe she's waiting for me outside.
when i grab the knob just ready to open the door i hear her talking to someone but i don't figure who it is until i open the door.

i instantly froze, i feel like my whole world stops for a second. he is standing next to his car , he and my mum looking at me in silence, i just stand still not knowing how to feel or what to say.

'alia' he says coming closer but i shake my head taking a step back. 'i'm sorry alia, i didn't know...' he tries to hold my hand but i reject him, backing away from him. i try to at least look at him in the eye but i can't, him calling me all those horrible things keeps playing in my mind. i can't.

'mum let's go please' i say reaching where my mum is. 'let him explain manori, talk to him mijita' she says and i look at her in disbelief. 'mum i can't do it, not right know'

'alia, please hear me out, i get it, your upset-

'i am more than upset, i am annoyed, i'm angry, i'm upset, i'm disappointed, you have no idea, please do my a favor and leave' i say before getting inside the car. i am a nervous wreck, and i don't want him to see me cry again. i don't want to feel defeated all over again.

i see my mum telling him something before getting in inside the car, i pass her the keys, as i don't trust myself in the wheel right know m, i just need to cool down for a bit. mami says nothing trough the whole way there and i thank her for that. it takes us about twenty minutes to get there.

after a good hour, we finally decide to leave the market with all the shopping done, we put everything in the car and i sit in the passenger sit as i still don't feel like driving right know. mami puts some the weekend music to try to get me in a better mood but it just gets me worse to be honest.

when we arrive back home, my eyes open wide, he is still here. 'he really cares about you manori' my mum says, 'i don't care mami, i don't wanna know anything about that pendejo' i say and mami chuckles. i get out of the car taking some bags out the car, he quickly comes towards us trying to helme with the bags but i wave him off getting the keys out and opening the door leaving the bags on top of the counter.

i leave the keys at the counter and go up the stairs to my room and looking the door, before getting inside my bed. i sudden pain comes back and i feel awful knowing that just seeing him again has caused me to go back to the power zero. my heart hurts and i can't control it i suddenly feel tear running down my eyes.

i hear i knock in my door, but i stay silent, another knock is heard a second after, 'alia? i hear his voice. 'alia please open the door' he says. i remain silent 'baby, please let me see you, you know this is killing me' he speaks again. two minutes after no response, i think he has given up and left until i hear him again. ' i'm going to sit here until you decide to come out, i don't care if is hours, days or weeks alia, i want to fix things' you don't need to speak, let me just talk to you, even if is at this distance i'll accept it. 'alia, i was really hurt, i was hurting so bad that i was not aware of what i was throwing away with my stupid behaviour and actions. i when i saw the photos i let my anger get to me and the only thing that i could think of was hurting you even more, i wanted you to feel the same pain as me or ten times harder, and i am sorry for being a dickhead, that is not who i am. that was so out of place for me to do, no woman deserves to be called that and i am deeply sorry for making you feel ten times worser than you was already feeling.' he says before letting out a sigh. 'even when i saw the video i really wanted to believe you but i kept getting messages and videos of the party and i completely blurred out, i don't know what was true or what was not, even though we not an official couple i should have trusted you and given you the benefit of the doubt. i am sorry for that alia, i am really sorry' silence. i can feel my heart pumping out, i dont know why but i unconsciously i direct myself towards the door, sitting down on the floor with my back against the door, i can gear him breath so hard. 'alia?...' he says and i take a while before asking. "would you have come if you hadn't seen the complete video? would you have come if others hadn't tell you the same thing i said to you? would you had believed me if it wasn't because of that stupid video? i ask trying to stop my tears from coming out, i wait for his answer but there's nothing but silence, which is the biggest answer anyone could give you. 'that is all i needed to know' i say. 'alia, wait, i'm not the best person, i have commitment issues, i have trust issues i know i am the problem, it is totally on me, things in the past have made me this way, i know for sure hat i want to work on it and get better for you, i want be the man you deserve, but please don't shut our feelings like this, don't give up on us, on me, give us a chance, give our love one more  chance, please' he says and my heart drops. 'i don't want to have this feeling of loneliness no more, i want to wake up with you i want to feel you in my arms, i miss you alia, i miss your touch, my heart aches for the touch of yours, alia. please give me a chance to make this right' he says and i instantly close my eyes, my hand in the knob of the door thinking really carefully what i'm about to do.

hey guys! long time no see😅🩷
sorry if it was a bit rushed, sorry if there's any mistakes!
chapter 18 will come out on 20th of january!

what do you guys think? should alia forgive him or not! i'll be reading the comments!🩷🩷