FACADE

1

    "I think you're overreacting Raven." Billy looked at me and smiled at my frown.

"Yea, whatever." I huffed and looked around the large field. It was almost the end of winter; the last frost had left the land cold and muddy.

We had been taking our daily half a mile walk, as advised by our doctors to stay in shape.

But I didn't like to walk or run, or any kind of cardio, in the cold, for that matter. The crisp air only hurt my lungs with every breath. I wanted to go home.

"I just don't feel like being a teacher, Billy. It just doesn't seem right for me." With a sigh I threw my wavy, long, dark brown hair into a sloppy bun.

He sighed.

"You're the only one who doesn't like the system Rave, it works perfectly, no one disagrees with it, why do you?" He looked at me almost disinterestedly, he was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

"You know what will happen to you if you voice your opinion more socially. They'll lock you up or kill you."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Of course, I knew what would happen to me. Doesn't change the fact that I still didn't like my role in society.

We continued the rest of our hike in silence, the ground was so brown and muddy. There was nothing left but dirt.

For the first 10 years our soldiers went looking for food. Any trees or bushes that would provide fruit or vegetables, but they always came back with nothing. There was nothing left for them to find anyways.

I'm snapped out of my train of thought with a loud frantic coughing fit. I start to lose my balance.

Billy rushes and catches me before I can hit the ground. "Dammit Rave, it'll be okay. Just let it all out."

The air quality is definitely not the best around here. Some of us have some sort of breathing problem that the doctors try and treat with artificial air. But most people, like Billy, have developed stronger immune systems.

Mines just weak.

It can't survive on the synthetic air our scientists have developed.

He picks me up and carry's me towards Dr. Homer's office. The fake air hits me as soon as we get in there, the blonde boy gently sets me down on the examining bed and Dr. Homer immediately puts an oxygen mask on me.

"You need to stay inside more, Raven. Your body can't handle the state of our world. I know it's horrible to stay locked up inside but it's what you must do." The kind man looks at me with pity.

With a small gasp I lower the mask, "I know doc, take it easy, blah blah blah, but I can't just sit inside forever on an oxygen mask. I'm bored."

Both men look at me with sorrow. Great. I made them feel bad. 

"It's for your own good, Rave." My best friend grabs my hand as he sits on the bed.

"Oh my god, baby, are you okay?" My parents rush in the door with a panicked look on their face.

I swat my mother's hands away while she was trying to check my temperature.

"Ugh and Billy said that I was over dramatic." I rolled my eyes and smiled as my dad laughed and patted Billy on the back.

"Women." The older woman slapped the back of his head causing him to jump and rub his head.

"Don't be an ass, Daniel." My mother huffed in annoyance.

"Sorry." He muttered still rubbing his head.

"Well let's grab her and her things, we must buy a few more oxygen tanks for the week Dr, Homer." My mother said as she walked out of the room with Doc to buy more.

My dad picked me up as I was still too weak to walk myself. Billy grabbed my things as we started our way to our homes.

I live in a smaller one-bedroom house next door to my parents.

My dad puts me down in front of the Victorian style wooden door and opens it for me.

The men walk me to my bed as my mother walks through the door.

"Billy come and help me change the oxygen tank for the house, would you please."

"Of course, Mrs. Mitchell." He doesn't even hesitate as he goes to help the older woman.

Soon enough I decide that the trio has helped enough and force them out.

I go to my bathroom and look in the mirror, my amber eyes look dull and the permanent bags under my eyes make me look half-dead.

With a grunt I get myself into the shower. Luckily it just snowed so the gatherers collected it for the huge watering tank.

It's always confused me how it still snowed and rained with no oxygen, but I just went with it like everyone else did.

I gasped as the scorching water hit my tanned, olive skin. With a breath I sat down.

It's all your fault.

They all give up their time to take care of you.

You are so pathetic.

Not everything is about you, Raven.

The salty tears make their way down my face. I feel miserable. Why are my lungs weaker than theirs? Why do I need so much more help? I cost my parents so much money just so my stupid, weak lungs can barely function.

I'm so worthless.

I start to sob as I reach for the small razor blade stashed in the edge of the tub.

I close my eyes as I feel the sharp edge press against my thigh.

With a deep breath I push it deep into my skin. I open my eyes to see the blood trickle down the side of my leg.

Not enough.

Is that the best you can do?

I almost scream at the voice to shut up.

But I agree, as I repeat the bloody process 5 more times on my right thigh. Then another 6 on my left.

I put the blade back on the ledge as I let the running water wash my wounds.

I sit there a while longer before washing myself with the necessary soaps. I get out of the shower and immediately wrap my thighs with a thin bandage. I put on some shorts and head straight to my bed.

Today was stressful but my eyes were craving to be closed and I drifted into a peaceful sleep.