Short Suicide Stories

failure

Im getting tired of this endless cycle of pain.
Here i am again, lying on my bedroom floor, half on the carpet, half on the solid wood. Dried crimson liquid, crumbling off of the irregular trails leading down my arm, to my wrist, then successfully reaching glazed surface of the floor.
Tonight was just like all the others. I find myself again rethinking my desision to stay alive this long whilst staring, through blurred and tear driven eyes, at the clotts forming swiftly over the exposed vein in which i had so despiratly tried to break.
I didnt want to be here anymore, that why i did it. But i cant help but remind myself of the fact that i cant even take my own life successfully. is there anthing that i can actually do?
I knew i would fail today the second the bleeding started to decrease. This happens every time. But theres something about he whole situation and the repitition of it that is beginning to become very tedious.
I suppose i should clean it. Wipe away the scarlet pools before they stain. After all im still alive, which means i now have to hide it again. Just like last time.
I want to say that i feel dizzy, disorientated. But i dont. i didnt lose enough to feel that.
I couldnt tell you what stopped me. maybe it was the thought of my family finding my cold limp body if it did work. or maybe the thought of, if i failed- i will have scars which will become alot harder to hide.
I dont know. And to be quite honest i dont care. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Why cant i just do that? what the hell is wrong with me?