Empty Spaces

Entry 1

Dear Kelsy,

I'm writing this because you need to hear this. You need to understand what happened and why I did it. We broke up. We broke up and I feel so broken. But that's jumping ahead. Really far, so I need to go back. Nowhere better to start than the beginning. When it all went wrong. 

His name is Cameron. But he always let me call him Cam. I met him at church, and we bonded quickly. Within months I knew everything about him, and he knew me. I knew how he worked and how he thought. What he did at each part of the day. We spent hundreds of hours messaging each other and calling. He was the only one who made me laugh like that. 

It was the best year I can remember. Sure, there was stuff to deal with. Tests, grades, parents, and drama, but it was nothing. I could trust him with anything and everything. He knew my past and was there for me. He offered me advice and help and support. When I broke up with my old boyfriend, he made me feel secure. Like I wasn't a bad person, I was just following my heart. 

So that's how it happened. He was the one person I felt like I really had. Anything could happen and he would still always be one message away. 

They always warn you about things like this though. Too good to be true, it probably is. But having a best friend seemed fine. He never took advantage of me or ever had bad intentions. I've seen from his side, how great of a person he is. Especially to his other girlfriends. I just wish I would have seen theirs. 

I'm not trying to say it's not my fault Kels, but now you know how easy it was for me to fall. I feel hard and fast, but I wanted to keep it a secret. What if he didn't feel the same? I could lose him forever and that thought was one I didn't want to have as a reality. He changed my life for the better. At the start.