May I paint you

04

Chapter Four

Three days ago I had to remember my past, the past of having a bully and getting outed to the whole school. The past I was at peace with keeping it there... In the past. However of course things done in the dark get brought to the light and Chaeyoung of all people had to see that light. When the whole thing happened she was there not judging me and not trying to make me feel better but her being there did just that. I never knew what it was like having someone there for me who won't judge me for showing feelings. I never got the chance to be real with someone like that. When we were in the bathroom we sat on the floor for what felt like five minutes. It was actually for two hours of us just talking, laughing, god it was so great laughing with her. When it was time for us to part ways she jumped at the chance to give me her number. That day was much better than I had hoped for. I am so glad Chaeyoung was there for me. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

I have the opening shift once again today and Tzuyu already called me saying she is going to be late. She is so lucky that it's just a Thursday and not a Saturday. Once I got to work I did all the usual stuff. Swept, did the closers dishes, prepped everything for me. I finished pretty quickly since Tzuyu wasn't here. I like opening with her though, I get to hear all the drama going on in her life. It's like a podcast but with just one girl talking. Though it does take me twice as long to get everything done before we open. This still sucks though It's only me and I have nothing to do until Tuyuz gets here. I can't believe I'm thinking this but I hope she's here soon. After I finished wiping down the counters I unlocked the doors and waited for the first guest. Something I have noticed recently is that the woman that gave Chaeyoung the letter keeps coming in. Somehow it's only the days I work and that's it. I even asked my manager as well as Tzuyu if she would come in when I'm not here and they said no. It's truly odd, who is she? And like clockwork there she is the mystery woman. " Hello, welcome in what can I get for you?" " a large iced sweet tea,to go." She said without any hesitation I already knew what she wanted since she just gets the same thing every time but to be polite, I figured I would ask. "Alright and what's the name for the order?" again I already know it's... "Jihyo." "Alright, it will be out soon." I knew I was forgetting something. I went to pour the tea and guess what was not there. The tea. See I blame Tzuyu if she was here she would not have left me alone about "you didn't make tea, when are you going to make tea, have you made the tea yet?" I finished making the tea and poured the tea into the cup and called her name. "Thank you Venus." she said, grabbing the cup and going to walk away. "Hey." I called out. I don't know why but I did. "Yes?" she answered "How do you know my name?" "Miss Son always talks about you." she said then walked away. She talks about me? Since when? The next set of customers came in "Hello welcome in what can I get you?" It's been very steady today and still no Tzuyu. Where is she? It's already 9 and she was supposed to open. I guess my break will be late today. Thinking back on what that lady said, all I could think about was that she talks about me. But why? Why does she talk about me and is it good or bad things? Why is she thinking about me is...is  she thinking about me like I think about her? Does she stay up all night drawing me because it's all she can do to help her sleep? Am I in her dreams like she is mine? What does she think about me? Why do I care? I don't and even if she did like me it would only use it to my own advantage she would crumble right before my eyes and I could take pride saying I caused it.

"I AM SO SO SORRY!" ah here she is "Where have you been?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Look I would tell you but you would be mad." she said running to the back to finish getting ready. "Why would I get mad? Were you passed out drunk on the side of the street or something?" "Of course not you know I hate sleeping anywhere but a bed!" she said with a snappy tone "Okay so where were you? I forgot to make the tea." I snapped back moving my hands showing I was mad. "How did you forget to make the tea... It's tea, have you made it yet?" she asked  me "yes I made it I would have made it on time if you were here but you weren't so stop dodging the question where were you? I was worried you told me you would be late and that was it. Hours later still nothing and now here you are." I said following her into the front so she could make her own cup of coffee. "Aw you were worried I knew you liked me." "well duh I like you I would have told you otherwise..." the talking fell and there was nothing but a thick slice of silence. "So where were you?" I asked "You really want to know?" she asked "well I won't have asked you if i didn't" "You know that one guy who was friends with the girl i said you liked?" she said, trying to avoid eye contact with me. "Yong? Yeah, what about him?" "I was with him. We went on a date together last night and it went well and I stayed the night." "Damn you had sex on the first date?" "Last night wasn't our first date... and no we didn't have sex I was just really tired and we got drunk so he took me to his house and let me sleep in his bed. He slept on the couch." She said looking straight into her coffee cup and not anything else. "Well that's good, Glad to know i don't need to buy a pregnancy test. Why would I be mad at that? I mean I'm mad you didn't give me a clue where you were or if you were okay. I also think you have bad taste in men but I'm not mad at you for that." I told her as I was leaning on the counter with my arms crossed. "You're not mad? I thought you would be since he's that girl's friend and you claim to hate her." She jolted up looking at me with her doe eyes. "So? What you do in your free time is your business and besides I think he's okay it's just her." "speaking of her." Tzuyu said, reaching for my sketchbook and flipping though. "You added more. Why do you claim to hate her but here is where you see the truth. The lines in these pieces show how soft you feel for her. They are strong and dark at first then get soft and lighter towards the end. Venus this one has color. It's glowing with how you see her."

The way she says this makes me realize why she wants to do what she wants to do for a living. If I saw her say this in the movie theater It would make me cry. "To tell you the truth I say I hate her because of one simple fact. She beat me." i told her "That's it? You hate her because the judges said she was better?" The look she gave me made me think if she thought I was stupid. "You don't get it. If a judge says the color red is blue then it's blue. If they say someone is better then they are better. And in this feld no one can afford that." I told her as I took the book back and showed her my other book instead. This is what I used to draw before her. This is art... real art. I drew what I felt in the moment and now." I grabbed my bag and dumped the rest of my sketchbook's out. "This is what I draw. It's her, it's all her. She has infected my mind. All I see or hear is her. When I want to draw, I draw her. When I go to paint, I paint her. I used color combos I never used before because this is what I think fits her. My whole art room is her and why? Because she beat me. You think I want this? No, I missed the way I felt before her and I'm scared to join a new art competition because I fear she will be there and I will paint her and she will know who did it." I told her practically shaking and throwing my arms around. "That doesn't mean you should turn your feelings away. Who knows maybe she feels the same, have you thought of that? What if you're driving her crazy." Tzuyu insisted "I see the way she looks at you, so does Yong!" she said, grabbing onto my shoulders. "Even if that is true. I don't want to be with her. I can't let myself nor do I want to let myself." I pushed her hands off and grabbed my sketchbooks, putting them into my bag and putting them back into the backroom. "Why do you stop yourself from being loved?"

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