Forever and a day.

My Melody

I dont remember how I ended up here, how I ended up with my fingers, flowing like water over the keys....Liebesträume, S. 541: No. 3 in A-Flat Major.... this piece... it reminds me as if I'm slow,,

No, not me, but time... all the emotions, the slow pace of falling in love, to fast pace of rushing it in peer fear, that I could loose it all in seconds.

But as it starts to get quiet, I sulk, I sag, as the song my body follows, until it gets to that... climax.

The climax of certainty, until I get aggressive with the keys.

I can feel my mind faltering.

I can feel the anger

The hate

The despair....

Yet

The love...

Is still there.

And the calm. The peace. The sweetness. All like the begging. The slow, yet mezzo forte, to pianissimo, of the song. I'm not playing it as the song was wrote, but quite simular, the tone is different, the tone, is as if....

I hate love.

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I fly forward, sweating, my shirt hanging off of my shoulder. I haven't had a dream about the piano in forever, nor have I touched it in forever. I declared to never play until I learned to love myself, I want to love myself before I can love something else. I decided that after he spent new years with a different girl while I was only a mere hour away...

I get dressed, and as I walk out and down into the empty space, all I see is the piano, with only a sheet over it....

"Zoe... I swear are you stupid? Do I have to put common sense into your stupid ass head? It's not that hard, God I wish I had a son, You are worthless....."

The words of my dad... he got physical sometimes, but every time he did I would hide my hands, he never knew I played the piano, but I would much rather my face get damaged to keep my slim fingers safe. I even broke my nose, and never reached up to cover my face. 

I moved out about six months ago, and moved full time in with my mom, which is honestly great. She spends some nights with her boyfriend, so I'm please to do as I wish for a day or so, then we sit to have dinner. 

But.. its odd, I still hear him, my dad. Whenever I have a bad dream, I wake up and hear his voice.

"Zena hunny, breakfast? I know you'll say no but I'm here to ask anyways, haha!" My mom, she makes breakfast everyday, but I don't eat breakfast, I think she does it just so I know theres food, I suffered from a minor eating disorder, my dad would hide food from me, but my mom still hates the thought of me not eating to my fill, so she does everything in her power to make sure I have everything I'll ever need. Which is why she won't get rid of the piano, and I wish I thanked her for it more often.

"No, but thank you mom, I'm heading out, I love you!"

I rush out the door, it's a Sunday, the day before classes start back up. Every Sunday the practice rooms are open at our school, our school is mainly focused on music. And I think I'm gonna go and play today.

I can't do it at my house, I dont want my mom to freak out ( in a good way), so I run, as fast as I can....

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I hope you guys liked it!! 

Much more to come.