Mergana Scenes

in which morgana is a smol bean and merlin takes care of her

The thunder rolls outside her window, and it isn't easy to sleep.

But still. Morgana forces her eyes to close, forces her body to relax, and tries to make it through the night. Lightning strikes a nearby hill, and she counts to ten until the rumbling stops. Reminds herself to breathe. And reminds herself that she shouldn't have to be afraid of it; she isn't a child anymore.

So. She tries to sleep, because she has to. 

She tries.

She really does.

Except she can't. Because without her healing bracelet, she can't- won't sleep. And without sleep, she has time to think. Morgana can't afford to think. 

And if she slept, she would also have time to do just that. Think. To see things that she does not want to. Nightmares, everyone calls them. A fickle thing of your imagination. 

Morgana does not think this is true. These ones, the ones she has, feel too real for it to be. She isn't going insane.

She isn't.

Someone knocks on her door. A faint, "Morgana?" reaches her ears, but she can't bring herself to get up. A tiredness that does and does not exist clings to her bones and makes a home there.

Go away, she wants to say. Leave me alone. But her tongue has stopped moving, and there's a small string pulling around her throat. It's pathetic.

She's pathetic. 

"Morgana?" A voice says. Then the rustle of clothes and footsteps, and the sound of the door opening just a tiny little bit, and Morgana has to shield her face from the light of the torches outside-

And then it's Merlin. Standing in the arch of the doorway, a swirl of emotion clouds his face. Worry is most prominent in his eyes, ones that Morgana always thought shined like the stars.

She doesn't want him to worry. 

Especially not about her. It isn't worth it.

(She isn't worth it.)

"Oh," He blinks, seemingly noticing her state of disarray. It's embarrassing for someone to see her like this, and Morgana fights the tears. He fiddles with a little glass vial, and his gaze is directed suddenly to the floor. "-sorry." He places the vial on the table at the front, and Morgana notices his pause. 

He takes a breath, walking forward. Seems like he's deciding on something. Then-

"Gaius asked me to bring this to you," Merlin says. With an unreadable look, he glances back up at her. "thought it might help."

And as she watches him, she knows he thinks otherwise. That Merlin knows that the sleeping potions do not work anymore, that they have done nothing to cease the onslaught of nightmares she now gets more often than not.

"I know you've had a hard time recently..." He starts, " And I just want to say, that, I hope you get better. Everyone hopes so. Even Arthur, even if he doesn't want to admit it." He chuckles, but that soon quiets down to suffocating silence. "And... I suppose that's it." She hears him take a breath. He makes a turn for the door, stopping for a second. "I should go." A pause. "Goodnight, Morgana-"

No, wait-

"-Merlin!" And just before he has the chance to let a foot slip past the room, her voice has finally managed to find itself from the back of her throat. It sounds hoarse, as if she'd never spoken for a while, and, well, that's very much true in her case. But it's enough.

It's enough.

"Merlin," Morgana whispers, trying again. It sounds more like a plea, and she can see the way it makes him freeze. "Stay. Please?"

He looks at her for a while. There's a moment when all she can see is the blue of his eyes; bright and deep, sparkling like the stars, and finally, finally, he nods.

"I will," Merlin says. He goes to her side, gripping her arm in reassurance, and whispers right back. "Don't worry." 

He hugs her.

And Morgana? Morgana breaks.

She cries into his shirt, dampening the fabric there. She feels his surprise when she hugs him tighter, and reluctant arms hug right back. He smells of pine, and woods, and as much as she'd loathe to admit it, home.

That shouldn't happen. She shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't be weak.

She shouldn't.

(A tiny little voice at the back of her head says she should. That she is safe, with Merlin here. That she is loved-)

No.

she can't, she can't, she cant-

"Merlin," Morgana croaks. Something hangs in the air, making it hard to breathe. He rubs her back in a comforting motion.

The quiet stretches in the night.

"Relax, Morgana." Merlin whispers, soothing. An emotion she cannot tell wavers his voice, and in the dark, with him hugging her in her bed, she doesn't know what to make of that. "Don't worry, alright? I'm here."

Somewhere outside her window, Morgana hears the thunder rolling.

Breathe, she reminds herself. His words echo around her head, and she can't stop thinking about what they could possibly mean. She should ask about it tomorrow.

"Relax, Morgana."

The lightning strikes a nearby hill, and she counts to ten until the rumbling stops. 

"Don't worry, alright? I'm here." 

She knows shouldn't be afraid of it, she isn't a child anymore. 

"Just sleep."

Sleep comes easy, this time.

...

The storm outside her window has ceased by now, and the sun shines past her curtains and into her room. The sky glows a bright blue, and the birds' songs are carried through the morning air.

And Morgana? Morgana wakes. For the first time, a nightmare is not the first thing she sees in the morning, but a smiling Gwen, who tells her that this is the first time ever since weeks ago that Morgana's ever slept that well.

And then, she bolts upright. Gwen jumps, then immediately looks concerned when she notices Morgana's expression. But all Morgana wants to know now is if it was real, and then she's looking for something that tells her that it wasn't fake, that she isn't going insane just yet-

She wonders if the night before was a dream.

(A small glass vial sits at the edge of the table.)

...

AN: alright, i have finally found motivation to add another chapter, so, here. I just wanted to write this, since i feel like Morgana just needs a hug, ya know? :>