WHEN I'M WITH YOU

WHEN I'M WITH YOU: PART 8

My eyes flickered open as my alarm went off. "Ohh..." I groaned, it was saturday, which meant I could of stayed in bed for a few more hours but I forgot to switch it off. Once i'm awake it's impossible for me to get back to sleep so I just stared at the cieling, thinking about the events of the past couple of months. I thought about my family, my friends and TJ... He'd taken my virginity, the thing I was meant to keep for the right person. But at the time TJ was the right person, part of me still thought he was, but another part of me was clueless about what I was going to do.

I wondered if sex would matter now that it wasn't my first time, I wondered if TJ would be the only person that sex felt special with, because he was the one i'd chosen to get close to me, closer than anyone else. But he'd also hurt me badly, even though I had told him he was forgiven it didn't mean I had gotten over it nor did it mean I wanted to see or speak to him ever again. I was reluctant to get up today, I just wanted to lay in my bed and feel sorry for myself, but I had promised the guys I would play football with them today. I was nervous about spending a day in the park with everyone, mainly because TJ might be there, then again he was probally in bed with someone right now seeing as he'd been a last night. I felt jealous but I was also desperate to ignore it, it was him who had screwed things up with me.

For a while I tried to get back to sleep, figuring it was impossible as usual I descided to get up and get washed. When I was back in my room I looked in the mirror, I was suprised TJ wanted to have sex with me, I was nothing special which was probally why he didn't want to commit to me. I was furious at him, but everything I did reminded me of him. I couldn't believe he could have that much of an effect on me but some people say you never get over your first love, I didn't believe that completely, I just guess TJ was just an important part of my life. I dragged myself from my house at around eleven with yells of objection from my brain.

I knew it was stupid, this week could be a week where I wouldn't have to see TJ's annoying but gorgeous face, where I could take a break from his sexy voice and loud but warm laugh. So why on earth was I meeting up at places where he would be? I seriously confused myself, but I was also trying to convince myself that I was just going to see my friends.

As I walked onto the pitch I saw a few people playing and another of people huddled up, talking. It was so cold I had no idea why someone would arrange to come out in the freezing cold. The sky was a whitish grey colour which made me think it was bound to rain. I spotted TJ almost straight away, then again he was pretty hard to miss. He wasn't playing, he was part of the small group of people. I could feel his eyes on me, but I marched past him without looking in his direction over to Kai and Dan who were kicking footballs at the goal. A couple of hours had gone by, I can't say I enjoyed myself.

The ground was hard from where the mud under the grass was frozen which meant we couldn't really play properly. Someone, I don't know who suggested we went to get something to eat, so by the time I was on my way home it was pitch dark. I don't know why but I felt awful, TJ hadn't even tried to speak to me even though his eyes had burned me the whole time I was there, I descided I was going to do everything I could not to see him during the holiday...

***************

I was standing there, checking myself out in the mirror, i'd done my hair, brushed my teeth and slipped into some clothes that fitted me perfectly. Tonight I was going to enjoy myself, to get myself ready for next week where i'd be able to do whatever I wanted. My parents were once again away on a business trip which meant my week would once again be full of parties, alcohol and sex. I heard a car horn outside, I ran downstairs, grabbing my coat and keys I made my way out to the taxi which already contained Dan, Harry and Charlie who all seemed just as buzzed as me about tonight. "TJ what's up!" Harry said high-fiving me as I sat down in the seat.