Are You Mine?

vi.

I stared up at the ceiling, replaying the events of Friday night over and over and over again. Torturing myself with the minutiae – the pain in Felicia's eyes as she shut the cab door, the taste of her chapstick, and the way she had frozen when I had first taken the plunge...

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

What had I done?

Our friendship had been the most important thing to me for years. And then I had gone and messed it all up.

What was wrong with me?

Reaching out blindly, I picked up my phone from where it sat beside me.

2:13AM. No new notifications.

With a groan, I put it back on the bedside table, turned to my side and closed my eyes.

Sleep, however, continued to evade me. Time crawled as I tried desperately to reach a state of oblivion. But the urge to check my phone again was too much.

It was mere seconds before I grabbed my phone once more to check if Felicia had responded to the flurry of texts that I had sent.

Nothing.

Sheer and utter despair filled me then. How could one small act have ruined nearly everything that we had built?

Steeling myself, I scrolled through my contacts and found Felicia's number.

If she wasn't going to respond to my texts, there was only one thing I could do. I called.

Despite the hour, despite the fact that she had remained silent for so long, a part of me hoped that she would, at the very least, hear me out.

The call rang out on and on and on. Right before it turned into voicemail, Felicia picked up. Her voice was weary, tired, no-nonsense. "Leah, do you have any idea what time it is?"

For a moment, I lay there stunned.

"Hello?" Her question jolted me from my shock. "Leah, if you butt-dialed me on a work night, I swear to God that I will rake you over hot co—"

"I'm sorry, Felicia. For everything. For Friday night, for letting my jealousy get the better of me, and for taking advantage of the friendship you've shown me. It wasn't right. And nothing can excuse my behaviour. Nor my treatment of you. I just hope...I just..." I stopped, choking up on my words as a mix of guilt and fear and something else I dared not give voice to fought for supremacy. "I understand if you don't ever want to see me again because of what I did. Fact of the matter is, I'd probably do the same. So, I don't blame you if that's what you want."

By the time I finished, I was breathing heavily. There was more I wanted to say. Especially as the silence lengthened.

As the seconds ticked by, I feared that Felicia had hung up on me, mid-rant, and glanced at the screen. The call was still going.

Finally, I heard a frustrated sigh. "Leah, tell me, how long have we known each other?"

"Almost six years."

"Right. So, do you think I'm that callow a person to erase all of that? You did me a wrong, true, but I've given it some thought and I see that bringing Jennifer along was a mistake. A part of me was scared what might have happened if it was just the two of us. That's why I thought to bring a buffer."

"And do you...?"

"Honestly? No. We might not be okay for a good long while," said Felicia. "There's a lot of things I need to think about. And I think there's a lot of things you need to think about too. Beyond that, I've a huge case that I need to prep for, so if you're quite finished—"

"What about board game night?" The question burst from my lips before I could stop it.

"I'll be there," she said after a moment's pause.

But there was something in her tone that I wondered at and wished desperately that this conversation was in person rather than over the phone.

"You promise?"

"Do you really think I'd let whatever this is between us come between board game night?"

"That's not an answer, Felicia."

Through the phone speaker, I heard Felicia huff out in frustration. "Fine, yes, I promise."

"Good," I said. "You know that a promise is legally binding right? You better be there!"

"Wouldn't want to miss it for the world," replied Felicia before she hung up and all I was left with were the rapid beeps.