Hehehe I found this thing and I CAN'T STOP!!!
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Captain Barnacles: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Dashi: ...I did. I broke it.
Captain Barnacles: No. No, you didn't. Peso?
Peso: Don't look at me. Look at Shellington.
Shellington: What?!I didn't break it.
Peso: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Shellington: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.
Peso: Suspicious.
Shellington: No, it's not!
Kwazii: If it matters, probably not, but Tweak was the last one to use it.
Tweak: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Kwazii: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Tweak: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that Dashi!
Dashi: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Captain.
Captain Barnacles: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Kwazii: Captain...Peso's been awfully quiet.
Peso: REALLY?!
* Everyone starts arguing*
Captain Barnacles, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand, so I punched it.
Captain Barnacles: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Captain Barnacles:
Captain Barnacles: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
(This one is a vine from somewhere)
___________________________________________________________________________
Captain Barnacles, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette.
Dashi: But Captain, we don't smoke.
Captain Barnacles: Cut the crap, Dashi. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.
Captain Barnacles: *points at Tweak* One! *points at Kwazii* Two! *points at Peso* Three! *points at Shellington* Four! *points at Dashi* Five!
Captain Barnacles: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers!
Shellington: *puts a cigarette in Captain Barnacles' hand*
Captain Barnacles: Thank you. ...Light?
The Squad: *all simultaneously pull-out lighters*
____________________________________________________________________________
Captain Barnacles: We're kind of missing something guys.
Tweak: Cohesion?
Shellington: Teamwork?
Peso: A general sense of what we're doing?
Dashi: And Kwazii is not here.
Tweak: Oh, and that, yeah.
____________________________________________________________________________
Kwazii: I CAN'T DO IT!
Captain Barnacles, laughing I CAN'T EITHER!
Kwazii: I CAN'T FRICKING DO IT ANYMORE
Peso: WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Kwazii:
Kwazii: I appreciate it, BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Shellington: Kwazii-
Kwazii: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Dashi: Kwazii we gotta-
Kwazii: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FRICKING LINE IN THE SAND.YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY, 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Kwazii, motioning to Tweak: NOT THIS
____________________________________________________________________________
*The squad right before Captain Barnacles' wedding*
Kwazii: Well, I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Peso: Wait...Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Shellington: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Dashi: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Tweak, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
____________________________________________________________________________
*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away*
Random: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
Barnacles, watching Dashi screaming, Tweak trying to set a sleeping Kwazii on fire, and Shellington choking on air: I don't know either.
____________________________________________________________________________
*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Peso: Thanks fam!
Captain: Oh no.
Dashi: *cries* I love you too.
Tweak: Sounds fake, but okay.
Shellington: *A flustered mess*
Kwazii: Can I get a refund?
____________________________________________________________________________
Captain Barnacles: I'm the smartest person in my friend group.
Kwazii: You hang out with Tweak, Shellington, Peso, and Dashi.
Kwazii: It's not as high a compliment as you think.
____________________________________________________________________________
*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Captain Barnacles: I will not let you down.
Peso: Sounds fun.
Shellington: K.
Tweak: No, I'm fucking not.
Kwazii: Do I have to be?
Dasi: Please god, I am so tired.
____________________________________________________________________________
Kwazii: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Peso: Nope, absolutely not.
Captain: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Dashi: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Shellington: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Tweak: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
YOU ARE READING
Octonauts One Shots
FanfictionSome seens that don't fit into a story line, just random ideas. I might make more of these from now on....
