Whispers In The Dark ; ahs

Chapter 11

Today's the day of the funeral. I've had no interest in getting out of bed for the past 4 days.  But I know I need to get up. I need to practice my eulogy, look like I didn't get out of bed, and also grab my bags because according to my mom I'm heading for the train right after the funeral. Fun.

One thing I'm happy about is that he didn't die in the house.  According to the 'experts' he died from a hit and run.  He doesn't deserve to be stuck in here for all of eternity.

I slowly walk out of bed and open up my closet. I grab a black dress  and flats and slowly place them on. I walk over to my mirror ( In which is new considering I broke the other one) and start to cry.

I always thought that I'd be the second to die in the family (considering the fact that my younger sister died about 8 months ago) not my dad. My dad didn't do anything to deserve this.

    Tate suddenly appears and wraps his arms around my waist. " I wish you could come with me.." I whisper, "I wish I could too." He says as he puts his chin on my shoulder but suddenly disappears when my mom drastically shouts "It's time to go".

The car ride was probably the most awkward thing yet to happen. No one in the car talked. It was just silence. Not even the radio was playing. Pure utter silence. Thankfully when we arrived at the church, there was some sort of noise.

The pastor/priest/vicar, whatever he is, begins to talk and I can only help but to zone him out 100%. I've been through this routine before. Then one by one people begin to say their eulogies. First my Grandma, then my aunt, my mom, and then finally me. I slowly walk up and look into everyone's eyes. Their eyes all dark and gloomy. Tears forming in everyone's eyes including my own.

"I am not sure how I'm supposed to follow my mom's speech... I think she gave us all our call to arms... but I'm going to try anyway.

Thank you all for being here today. To see so many people who loved my Dad and want to be here to say goodbye to him is just incredible.

In a moment of true, wonderful irony, though, Dad's funeral is, of course, happening during a49ers game. I'd like to think that if there is an afterlife, Dad is somehow flipping the afterlife remote control between being here with all of us and the game. And of course, he would be doing so for two reasons... first, let's be clear, he'd want to know the score of the game, but second, Dad would be profoundly uncomfortable with all of us saying really wonderful things about him. So, as we say goodbye to my father and say all the things we love so much about him, I just want you to imagine that high laugh of his – and picture him changing the channel to the 49ers game, because he could have never sat through this.

And that's as good a place to start as any – because my father was a great man who did not accept his own greatness. He never quite accepted his own greatness, all he had done, all the lives he profoundly changed. I wish he could have been here today if only to see the incredible good he did in the world.

That's not to say he wasn't proud – he was. He wasn't vain at all. He was the most down-to-earth person you could know. But he was proud in all the right ways. When I was in 7th grade, I had to do a paper on a US Supreme Court case, and my father took some friends of mine and I to the Trenton Law Library in New Jersey, so we could do research. Dad stayed with us, and about a half an hour into the day, he called me over to one of the stacks. He had some of the books off of the shelves so he could show me where he had argued cases in front of the New Jersey Supreme Court. He told me about the cases, and there was such pride – justifiable, earned pride – that he could show his son those accomplishments.

That was one of those moments with my father that I cherish, because it was this window that let me know that as important as it was for me that he was proud of who I was, he wanted me to be proud of who he was as well. Needless to say, I was always incredibly proud to be Daniel Roth's daughter.