It's very quiet.
Nothing but the sounds of nature...............
Household appliances calmly humming white noise............
The sounds of all the memories..........past, present, & future.........roaming through my head.............
I used to hate being in this space.
Back in 2020 when shawty tried to play me with her insecurities, lies, & rumors,
I had to stand proud in my stance, when I wanted to fall down the hole of negativity.
Knowing I needed to talk to someone, but I just willingly stayed reclusive.
I refuse to project my insecurities into other people.
Music keeping me company, finding solace in my favorite YouTuber's videos.
Journaling to the point where I got writer's cramp.
The tears rollin down my eyes would never cease,
& I wondered:
How do I not enter this space of vulnerability ever again?
How do I process this pain so I can push forward with my agenda?
Every answer led me back to my creativity.
To this music that helps propel me to places that simple discourse cannot.
I know it's hard for the reader to understand me, but Ion expect you to.
Just take the message that's hidden in each line so you can better YOU.
Lookin for answers that hidden inside of me.
Didn't want a new bitch, just wanted to be happy internally.
I ain't know how to care for myself.
Niggas tell you to do that, but never break it down step by step.
All that Redpill, MGTOW, & Semen Retention just gave me a headache.
I ain't wanna be apart of no more cults that seem to partake
In bashing a woman. Seeking revenge on those in the present from scars of the past.
Making people pay for something that never should last.
Feeling as if I wasn't masculine,
Foolishly falling for these con artists preying on impressionable young men who don't know the concept of a man.
It's not the standard that society preaches about.
A real man is someone who knows who he is, what he wants, & does it. 💯
But too many men, myself included, fall victim to life cause they don't know any better.
Fell down, hit my face on the pavement to sense knocked me back up on my feet.
Knowing I'd rather be alone, than surrounded by folks who don't have my best intentions.
Gotta be a better judge of character & have boundaries so people won't get the best of me too soon.
& no matter how much I wanted to be mad at others, my inner soul held me accountable.
It hurt so much, because it was the truth.
I betrayed myself, wishing I could go back & change the course of my direction.
But I learned to forgive myself & make better decisions for my future progression.
I no longer want to be liked.
I no longer want to fuck a million bitches.
I no longer want to be cool.
I no longer want a million friends.
I no longer want to go to ya party.
I no longer want to hear your opinion.
I no longer want porn.
I no longer want drugs.
I no longer want manipulation.
I want genuine affection.
I want reciprocity.
I want love.
I want constructive criticism.
I want respect.
I want consistency.
I want truth.
I want self love.
I want self care.
I want freedom.
So, I'mma continue cherishing these moments alone.
They've taught me so much about myself in the last 7 years.
& I appreciate every moment. 💯
- Maãlík
