Cursed

Chapter 1

  I spot him from far away. He's slowly walking toward me, throwing his sweet gaze right at my direction. His broad shoulders fill my sight while his gorgeous smile is almost blinding me. I feel my heart slowly racing, and I wish I could turn around so I can avoid the inevitable encounter but I can't. I already got too close. What am I supposed to do? Should I smile to him or should I wave? I mean I can't just ignore him, we said hello last time in chemistry class, and one more time in the school trip to the forest. Right, I can't ignore him, I am going to smile at him, and I do.

His eyes suddenly change direction and he misses my smile. Therefore, he ended up walking right pass me, like I was invisible.

And I was, in a way more than another.

"What's wrong with me?" I practically shout while slamming my lunch tray at the table where all my friends were sitting.

There confused glares reminded me that they are clueless about my recent awkward situation, had it been noticed by anyone else in the hallway, it would have been the end of my social life in this school.

"A lot of things!" Said Jay, who immediately regretted it after the sound of Clair's hand slapping his head filled the room. 

He scratched his head with his palm, shooting her with deadly stairs. While she ignored him and said:

" Actually, we're hoping you could tell us!"

"I saw Blake on my way here..." I managed to say beneath my mouthfuls of pasta.

"And..."

"And I screw it! I tried to casually smile at him, and he ended up ignoring me and walking away!"

"Are you sure he just didn't see you?" Said Jay

"Maybe, I don't know! But that's not the point!" I yelled back at him

"Then what's THE point?" said Jay, only he seems to be interested with the rest of the conversation, the other girls, having heard their share of this kind of talk, were busy devouring the only good lunch the cafeteria offers in the week.

" If he did do it intentionally or not doesn't matter, what matters is that he didn't see me! to him, as well to all the other guys out there I am invisible!"  I said those words like I plunged a knife into my own heart. It always feels like this when your deepest insecurities are brought to words, whether by anyone else or by yourself.

My words seemed to have dropped a heavy silence on the table, all the girls stopped eating, and Jay kept staring blankly at me.  Sarah, who  has been quietly listening so far, broke the silence with the drop of the silver spoon and said:

" You ! Me ! Out ! Now!"

I quietly followed her to the hallway until she stopped. She then calmly turned to face me, her powerful dark eyes staring right through mine until I flinched.

"You're not invisible! " she said, and then took a long breath and finished " You're not invisible, you're a beautiful 17 years old with a lot of potential, any guy would be stupid to not notice you. The fact that you have never been with anyone up until now doesn't make you a freak, it doesn't make you strange..."

"Then what does it make me?" I interrupted her, exasperated.

"IT MAKES YOU YOU! So stop worrying about growing old with cats or dying alone because you're way to young and too smart to do that. Just breath, accept the natural flow of things in your life, accept the pace and the rhythm of it, and let it happen, because believe me, sooner or later it will happen, so stop rushing yourself!"

The rain has started to drop slightly on my way back home, Sarah's words were ringing in my ears. I kept hearing them at the back of my head with every rain drop. I almost didn't feel it getting heavier while I was drowning in my thoughts. Maybe I am rushing things, maybe this necessity to be in a relationship has grown into some sort of obsession. I just wanted to feel less alone, and more loved. Of course I would never admit that, but most in all, those were my feelings. And most importantly some part of me judged me far more exiting than this ordinary life I am leading. And always wished for a wind of change to come and sweep me of my feet. And of course all the books I've read have shown me that romance is the way to do that. Maybe my mom was right, books built all kind of expectations in you mind, that reality is bound to shatter eventually.

I waited for the light to turn red, before I crossed the street, my mind sill racing with thoughts. The sound of a fast break pulled me out of my ocean of thoughts and caught my attention. To my grand surprise it was too close to my feet. Suddenly the flashlights of the car grew closer and with the slipperiness of the rain, the wheels didn't stop until I was laid on my back on the cold grey ground. 

It all happened so fast I couldn't move. I stood there bluntly until the large black car has flipped me over. And suddenly all I could see was a turbulent grey sky, slowly penetrated by a young face with handsome dark features:

"Are you Okay?" The voice of the man sounded so far away

I tried to answer affirmatively, but the word couldn't come out, neither did any other word. Slowly, the sky and the handsome face faded away, and I slipped into the darkness of my own mind.

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So I forgot I ever started this story. I was looking throught my writting files and I found the drafts for the next chapters, and I thought to myself WHY NOT? I am going to update almost everyday starting today since I already have the next chapters written. I hope you guys like it and PLEASE let me know what you think! 

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