Hold me Closer

Kai was startled awake by their partner's screams. Even in a deep sleep, they'd respond to the sound of Amelia's screams anywhere. They jolt up to a sitting position and look around the room, scanning for any potential danger. Quickly assessing that there are no threats in the room, they turn to their partner. Amelia is thrashing around in bed, sobbing and screaming something Kai can't quite make out. They reach out a hand to try to begin soothing her but she flinches away. "Ryan! Ryan! No, don't take him! Please we're getting married". It immediately clicks in Kai's brain what's happening. Several months ago Amelia had told them about her time in LA. About her battles with addiction, Ryan, and her unicorn baby. She didn't talk about it much, as it brought up too many emotions from her past, but she wanted them to know that part of her life. They've witnessed her having nightmares and flashbacks before, but this was a bad one. They knew they needed to ground her somehow to force her brain back to the present. They reach out and pull her small, shaking body into their chest. She begins trying to push them away but they tighten their grip even more. They've been through this before, the only way to get her out of this is to try to bring her back to the present, in any way possible. Amelia continues crying out, getting louder with each second. Kai keeps their arms wrapped securely around her and begins speaking directly into her ear. Speaking softly, but loud enough that Amelia will be able to hear through own panic and cries. "Amelia, it's Kai. I'm right here baby. You're safe. It's Kai. Come back to me".
Eventually Amelia's eyes snap open. In her panicked state, she bolts to sit up, taking in her surroundings. Her brain finally catches up and she realizes she's at home with Kai. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it was so real. I was there" she gasps between sobs. "It's okay baby. It was just a dream, I promise". Kai reaches out a hand to brush the damp hair off her cheek but she moves away quickly. "Kai don't. I- I can't breathe. Don't touch me". She's gasping for air now, full sobs racking her tiny body. "Okay. Okay. I won't touch you if you don't want me to. But I need you to try and breathe with me, okay? Just look at me. I'm right here. I need you to try to take a breath and hold it for a few seconds". Amelia tries to take a breath, but she feels like she can't get any air in between cries. She's choking on tears and the feelings from her past are going to swallow her whole. She can't stop her brain from spiraling. "Please. Kai. I can't. Can't breathe". Kai begins to slowly move towards their partner on the bed. They try to keep their own tears at bay while watching her fall apart. All they want to do is take her pain away. They'll do whatever they can for the woman they love. "Okay. We need to try to calm your nervous system. It's in fight or flight. I'm going to sit behind you and hold you really tight. It will help your body reset and you'll start to calm down." They wait for a quick nod from Amelia before moving to sit with her between their legs. They wrap their long arms around her torso once again and hold tight pressure. She begins to cry again, panic welling in her chest. Kai leans back down to her ear. "You'll feel more panic at first but then you'll breathe easier. It's okay baby. I've got you. Shhhhhh I'm here. I have you". With the consistent pressure on her chest and quiet words of comfort she finally begins to breathe easier. The tears are still flowing, but she's getting full breaths now and the overwhelming panic is subsiding. They sit like this for a while, Kai never letting go of her. Until Amelia finally turns in their arms and looks up at them. Kai reaches up and wipes a tear off her cheek. "Hey, there you are," they whisper. "I'm really sorry", she looks anywhere but their face, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "Hey, no", they put a finger under her chin and lift her head until she meets their gaze. "Absolutely no apologies. Ever. I'll always be here for nightmares or flashbacks. If you need me, I'm there". Another stray tear slips down her cheek at their comforting words. She just nods and they press a soft kiss to her forehead. "Do you want to try to go back to sleep? You're going to be exhausted tomorrow". Amelia looks away again. She is exhausted. And she feels terrible for taking away their much needed sleep. But she's too afraid to fall back asleep and risk going back to those memories, those horrible feelings threatening to swallow her whole. "I'm scared" she lets out in a barely audible whisper. Kai moves closer again. "I know, baby. It's okay. Do you want to watch tv and cuddle for a bit?" They secretly know from prior experience that putting on a quiet movie will lull her back to sleep. She nods, still not looking at them, and Kai moves around the bed to find the remote. They scroll through Netflix, deciding on an animal documentary. "Come here", they open their arms and allow her to wrap her little body almost completely around them. She's still very tense but after a few minutes they can feel her body start to get heavier. She has one hand fisted in their shirt, and she shifts as close as she can to them. Her eyes begin fluttering closed as Kai brings up a hand to run through her hair. The gently stoke her hair and untangle a few knots while watching her fight to keep her eyes open. "Don't fight it. Just close your eyes. I'll be right here when you wake up". They press another kiss to her forehead and hold her tighter in their arms. She's asleep ten minutes into the movie.